Loudon Wainwright III Album

Crossing the highway late last night
He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right
He didn't see the station wagon car
The skunk got squashed and there you are

You got your dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinking to high heaven

Take a whiff on me, that ain't no rose
Roll up your window and hold your nose
You don't have to look and you don't have to see
'Cause you can feel it in your olfactory

You got your dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
And it's stinking to high heaven

Yeah, you got your dead cat and you got your dead dog
On a moonlight night, you got your dead toad frog
Got your dead rabbit and your dead raccoon
The blood and the guts, they're gonna make you swoon

You got your dead skunk in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinking to high heaven
C'mon, stink

You got it, it's dead, it's in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle
Dead skunk in the middle of the road
Stinking to high heaven
All over the road
Technicolor

Oh, you got pollution
It's dead, it's in the middle
And it's stinking to high, high heaven

Used to have a red guitar until I smashed it one drunk night
Smashed it in the classic form as Peter Townsend might
I threw it in the fireplace, I left it there awhile
Kate, she started crying when she saw my sorry smile

Red guitar was made of wood, could not take the heat
Red guitar, it caught on fire and the damage was complete
It burned until all that was left was six pegs and six strings
Kate, she said "You are a fool, you've done a foolish thing."

I put the remains in the case and I put the case away
Went to New York City for a new guitar the next day
I bought myself a blond guitar, I had if for three days
Some junky stole my blond guitar. God works in wondrous ways

East Indian princess lives in a western dream
Happy like a child, her mother is a queen
You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street
This English way of life has got that other life beat

And reading magazines, she sits in straightbacked chairs
She's got a common welfare, she's got a queen that cares
She's got meat on her bones, she doesn't starve at least
Not like the folks back home, not like the folks back east

Yeah, but this Indian is English, no matter how she tries
You know the sari and the sandals, it's just a bad disguise
She got a mark on her forehead, she got a stud in her nose
Yeah, but this Indian is English and I'm afraid it shows

'Cause you can see her at Wimpey's and on a movie queue line
Her river's not the Ganges, it is the Serpentine
East Indian princess, she got the western pain
She got the western mind, that girl has gone insane

I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown
I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown
I pulled out my spiral notebook and my scripto pencil
These, these, these are the words that I did put down

I'm a dud-fire cracker, I ain't got any fuse
I ain't got no inspiration since I lost my muse
I'm a table with two legs, I'm a spider with five
I'm going down, slow muse, when will you arrive?

Oh muse, where are you?
Oh muse, where are you?
You know I eat, drink and I smoke stuff
I don't know what to do

I went to the mountain and the desert too
I was there ladies so where were you
I'm a flattened out wave, I ain't got any curl
I'm an empty old oyster, I ain't got any pearl

Muse, where are you?
Oh muse, where are you?
You know I eat, drink and I smoke stuff
I don't know what to do

Sit up late, stay up wait
It's a rule of thumb she's got to come
Sit up late, stay up wait
It's a rule of thumb she's got to come

I take lots of cold showers and I go for long walks
I wait for a pitch but the fickle bitch barks
Took a shot of whiskey and a snort of cocaine
Opened up my head and stuck electrodes in my brain

Oh muse, where are you?
Where are you muse, oh where are you?
You know I eat, drink and I smoke stuff
I eat, drink and I smoke stuff
I eat, drink and I smoke stuff
I don't know what to do

[No lyrics]

It's wonderful to be alive
To be a bee in this beehive
It's tough as nails, it's smooth as silk
It's milk and honey, without milk

I work with flowers, it's my work
From this, there's no way that I can shirk
No-no-no-no-no, there is no complex philosophy
It's just because I'm a bee

Unlike the skunk, I do not smell
But I have a thing and it stings like hell
As heroes go, I'm unsung
But step on me and you'll get stung
You'll get stung

The cutest bee I've ever seen
Is our own big, fat sexy queen
It's true she hasn't got such great legs
But you should see the girl lay eggs

It's wonderful to be a bee
Although there are billions just like me
This hive of mine, I call it home
There is no place like comb sweet comb

[No lyrics]

One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe's Café
Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe's Café
A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before
Least I'd never saw her down at Smokey Joe's Café no
I started shakin' when she sat right down next to me

Her knee was almost touching mine at Smokey Joe's Café
A chill ran up and down my spine at Smokey Joe's Café
I could smell her sweat perfume, she smiled at me, my heart went boom
Everybody in the room at Smokey Joe's Café
They said, "Man be careful, that chick belongs to Smokey Joe."

From behind the counter there came a man
With a chef hat on his head and a knife in his hand
He grabbed me by the collar and he began to shout
"You better eat up all your beans and get right on out."

And I know I'll never eat again at Smokey Joe's Café
So we'll never meet again at Smokey Joe's Café
I'd rather eat my chilli beans at Jim's or Jack's or John's or Gene's
Than take my chances eating down at Smokey Joe's Café
I risk my life when I mess with crazy Smokey Joe

Wah wah Smokey Joe's Café
Wah wah Smokey Joe's Cafe

At the station you can meet her
With that smile, you couldn't cheat her
A woman that kind is hard to find

It's good to take a girl
In the not so very good world
And walk in the park until it gets dark

Sometimes I feel ugly and old
Excuse me baby if I'm acting bold
My head gets hot but my feet aren't cold
Excuse me if you will

Take a breather on a bench
Helps to build up the suspense
Then the two of you go to a movie show

If she's woman, there's a chance
That she maybe likes to dance
So you go to the hall and you out-step 'em all

Don't make a hullabaloo I'm not the hoipaloi
I'm try any trick and I'll pull any ploy
I'm a used up twentieth century boy
Excuse me if you will

She takes you home to meet the folks
Laughing at the father's jokes
Shall we watch TV, it's all right with me

Time to go, you're going to miss her
In the doorway, try to kiss her
Oh, it tastes so good, like you hoped it would

If I was 16 again, I'd give my eyetooth
I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm looking for my youth
I'm a little uncool and I'm a little uncouth
Oh, excuse me, yes excuse me if you will

At the station you can meet her
With that smile, you couldn't cheat her
A woman that kind is hard to find

[No lyrics]

Drunk men stagger, drunk men fall
Drunk men swear and that's not all
Quite often they will urinate outdoors

Like widowed women, drunk men weep
Like children curled up, drunk men sleep
Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours

Be he broke bum or rich rake
His dinner be it bread or cake
His beverage be the worse of whiskey, finest wine

Puke it stinks and so it seems
That drunkards go to great extremes
But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line

Drunks talk strong when drunks are weak
It's easy for a drunk to speak
Straight from the heart

Yeah, drunks will fight they're not afraid
To kiss the mistress and make the maid
It's a manly art

Oh but big toll will take
Blood vessels in nose will break
Bags beneath the eyes, another sign

Drunks get ugly, so it seems
That drunkards go to great extremes
But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line

Drunks are friendly when they're drunk and
Drunks are hostile when they're drunk
Which drunk it is, it all depends upon

When drunks aren't drunk, they thirst for drink
And the elephants are grey, not pink
And the drink evaporates the man is gone, gone, gone, gone

Back to the yachts and the subway cars
To the hip-flasks and fruit jars
Flat on the face and flat on the behind

Oh, drunks get drunk and so it seems
That drunkards go to great extremes
But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line

Straight line
Straight line

Told you I love you
Talked on the cool
You'd said that you like me
Feel like a fool

You said that you like me, that's not enough
Say that you love me, I'm calling your bluff
Say that you love me, say that it's true
Say that you love me and I said it to you

I don't want a new bow tie
I don't want a new dress
It's time to admit it
Come on, it's time to confess

Say that you love me, open your heart
Three simple words, least it's a start
Come on, say that you love me, say that it's true
Say that you love me and I said it to you

Well, it's been said before and you can say it again
I got to be more than just one of your friends
I must know you love me, there must be no doubt
Open your heart, open your mouth

Say that you love me, say that it's true
Say that you love me and I said it to you
Say that you love me, say that it's, say that it's true
Say that you love me and I said it to you