The Beautiful South Album

I love you from the bottom, of my pencil case
I love you in the songs, I write and sing

Love you because, you put me in my rightful place
And I love the PRS cheques, that you bring

Cheap, never cheap
I'll sing you songs till you're asleep
When you've gone upstairs I'll creep
And write it all down

Oh Shirley, Oh Deborah, Oh Julie, Oh Jane
I wrote so many songs about you
I forget your name (I forget your name)
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I forget your name

I love your from the bottom of my pencil case
I love the way you never ask me why
I love to write about each wrinkle on your face
And I love you till my fountain pen runs dry

Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovely cry, cry, cry, cry

Oh Cathy, Oh Alison, Oh Phillipa, Oh Sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I wrote this song for you

So let me talk about Mary, a sad story
Turned her grief into glory
Late at night, by the typewriter light,
She ripped his ribbon to shreds

You know your problem
You keep it all in
You know your problem
You keep it all in

That's right
The conversation we had last night
When all I wanted to do was
Knife you in the heart
I kept it all in

You know your problem
You keep it all in
You know your problem
You keep it all in

Midnight, a husband getting ready to fight
A daughter sleeps alone with the light
Turned on, she bears but
Keeps it all in

Just like that murder in '73
Just like that robbery in '62
With all there things that have happened to me
I kept it all in
Why do you keep on telling me now

You know your problem
You keep it all in
You know your problem
You keep it all in

That's sweet
That conversation we had last week
When you gagged and bound me up to my seat
You're right, I do
I keep it all in

If, if you choose that we will always lose
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you decide to give him another try
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect love song
You would take me back
Well I wrote it but I lost it
And now will you take me back anyway

Now if, if you insist that this is for the best
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

I'll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I'll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I'll sail this ship alone

If, if you're afraid that I won't make the grade
Well then I'll sail this ship alone
And if, if you agree to him instead of me
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I wrote the perfect letter
That I would have a chance
Well I wrote it, and you burnt it
And now do I have a chance anyway

If, if you swear that you no longer care
Well then I'll sail this ship alone

I'll sail this ship alone
Between the pain and the pleasure
I'll sail this ship alone
Amongst the sharks and the treasure
If you would rather go your way then go your way
I'll sail this ship alone

Well they said if I burnt myself alive
That you'd come running back

I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little...

Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust

I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little...

You need a little room for your big head
Don't you, don't you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
Just into unjust

I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little...

You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn't you, didn't you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The Freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad

I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off

I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time

(Heaton / Rotheray / Romeo / Wheeler / Law / Hooper)

This is my life and this is how it reads
For every chapter, a thousand memories
A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds
A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease

Diary entry 9th of May '62
We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you
Diary entry '62 end of May
It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay
They're here to stay, they're here to stay

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is my life and this is how it reads
A documentary that nobody believes
Albert Steptoe in 'Gone with the Breeze'
Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese

Diary entry '68 end of the year
A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear
11th December '68 Captain's log
Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog
It's due to fog, it's due to fog

If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)

This is the play, it was I who wrote the script
Terry meets June in 'Tales from the Crypt'
It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped
They later found him scolding a banana

Diary entry 10th of April '89
The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine

Back to bed, back to reality
Just fine.

Don't whisper love and dream of wedding bells
Don't do all the talking, let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself

So when you feel a little tatty and unhappy with your face
Let it breathe into us and put you back in place
Let it breathe, let it breathe
From the day it came into us till the day it wants to leave
For it will, it will go
And it will not say goodbye just like it didn't say hello
There will not be a send-off, a funeral or mass
Just a pathetic little vodka from a dirty little glass
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let it rise up in the morning and take us for that walk
Let it do the talking when we're too tired to talk
When we're too tired to talk

And when you feel unhappy that I'm not the one I was
Let love rot inside and let love palm you off
Let it rot, let it rot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
In a knot, in a knot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
Hang them from a cleaver and say 'Look what we've got
A man and a woman and guess what they forgot'
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'

Let love speak up itself

I'm walking through these pastures
I'm picking up sweet fruit
I'm shaking hands with people
That previously I'd shoot
But nothing will dissuade me
Nothing will dilute
I want to execute
I want to execute

And you tend to meet a lot of scum en route
It doesn't mean you've joined the other side
And because I still wear shorts and my smile is oh so cute
It doesn't mean I'll run away and hide

To a world where the leaders finally confess
(I think the answer's yes, I think the answer's yes)
To the burning of the Stock Exchange and bombing of the press
(I think the answer's yes, I think the answer's yes)

I think the answer's yes, yes, yes, I think the answer's yes
I'm walking through these corridors
Where crime meets pantomime
They're laughing and they're drinking
On the swill of overtime
And no-one seems to know about
The death-wish that they've signed
Ah, life's unkind
Ah, life's unkind

And they see me as a potential new recruit
They rub their hands, slap their backs and smile
But I still wear suspenders underneath my business suit
So needn't worry about me for a while

So to a world without hunger, where royalty face death
(I think the answer's yes, I think the answer's yes)
To the breaking down of barriers of North, South,
East and West
(I think the answer's yes, I think the answer's yes)

I think the answer's yes, yes, yes, I think the answer's yes
I think the answer's yes, yes, yes, I think the answer's yes

And no-one seems to know about
The death-wish that they've signed
Ah, life's unkind
Ah, life's unkind
Life's unkind, life's unkind
From poor old U2 to poor old Simple Minds
No amnesty for murderers of poor old working class
Rope or gas, rope or gas, rope or gas
No amnesty for murderers of poor old working class
Rope or gas, rope or gas

Old Red eyes is back
Red from the night before the night before
Walked into the wrong bar walked into a door

Old Red's in town
And sitting late at night he doesn't make a sound
Just adding to the winkles on his deathly frown

They're only red from all the tears that I should've shed
They're only red from all the women that I could've wed
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realize
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Listen up Old Red
You never listened to a word the doctor said
He told you if you drank another you'd be dead

Old Red Eyes is back
His shoulders ache all over and his brain is sore
He pours a drink and listens to his body thaw

They're only red from all the thoughts unused inside my head
They're only red from all the things I could have done instead
So when you look into these eyes I hope you realize
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

Blue is a street without an end
Red is the color of my hell
Blue is a greeting from a friend
Red is the color of farewell

Old Red he died
And every single landlord in the district cried
An empty bottle of whisky laying by his side
A lazy little tear running from each eye
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue
They could never be blue

I was handed down the looks of a man with a broken nose
That's the way our family was I suppose
But at least you gave me deeply profound
As we lay and chatted late upon the cricket ground

You didn't have to love me
Where others got rid
You didn't have to treat me like a very good friend
But I'm glad that you did

One thing I never said to you
And one thing I never can
Amongst the false applause and the deafening cheers
I'm your No. 1 fan
I'm your No. 1 fan

I'm the richly blessed daughter of a mother with tattooed arms
That's the way my family life, life was charmed
But at least it gave me mental grace
And a thought at the pit on my mind and a smile on my face

You didn't have to listen
To a word that I'd said
You didn't have to tell me all those silly old jokes
For every tear that I shed
Every tear that I shed

Cos one thing I never said to you
And one thing I never can
Amongst the false applause and the deafening cheers
I'm your No. 1 fan
I'm your No. 1 fan

I was handed down a bike with a crooked old wheel
But I rode it on a million lanes the way that you made me feel
But at least we thought about it so lang. and hard
As we sat upon our mother in the graveyard

And you don't have to listen
To a word in this song
Your picture hangs the same and in the same old place
Even though that you've gone
Even though that you've gone

Cos. one thing I never said to you
And one thing I never can
Amongst the false applause and the deafening cheers
I'm your No. 1 fan
I'm your No. 1 fan
Yes I am
I'm your No. 1 fan

There's no more little secrets we haven't yet disclosed
We bore the living daylights of anyone too close
And all our cards at Christmas are written to us both
Count them up who's got the most?

Said we'd be close
Said we'd work perfectly
Said that we'd toast
Beautiful company

Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Closer than a cat to the child that she'll smother
It's too close for a lover
It's too close for a lover
We are each other
We are each other

We've been through all positions and this one's definitely best
You move Middle East and I'll move Wild West
What happened to our friendship we could easily have guessed
Add it up we're self-possessed

Said we'd be true
Said we'd be so so proud
Just me an you
We'd shout it out aloud

Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Closer than a cat to the child that she'll smother
It's too close for a lover
It's too close for a lover
We are each other
We are each other

Remember we went shopping and we went by piggyback
I shaved all my legs and you grew hairs upon your back
Well no-one's ever been since to this lover's shack
It's a cul-de-sac

Said we'd be close
Said we'd work perfectly
Said that we'd toast
Beautiful company

Said we'd be true
Said we'd be so so proud
Just me an you
We'd shout it out aloud

Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Closer than a secret agent working under cover
It's too close for a lover
It's too close for a lover
We are each other
We are each other

This is the dinner prepared
This is the dress that I made
This is the child I brought up
And this is the woman you laid
This is the woman you laid

This is the perfume I wore
This is the hotel we stayed
This is the way that I lay
And this is the woman you laid
This is the woman you laid

We promise ourselves this is no one-night stand
Let us draw all the curtains and strike up the band
And I'm thrilled by gentlest touch of your hand we pretend
There's a tear, there's a tear
Not through confusion through fear, through fear

This is the smile that I wore
This is the song that we played
This is the way that I lay
And this is the woman you laid, this is the woman you laid

Next morning our eyes filled with sleepy regret
A kiss and goodbye and a long cigarette
But the pillow I lay on is cold and it's wet
Can't pretend

It's a tear, it's a tear
Not through confusion, through fear, through fear
And knowing at least that love came so near
Just adds to the weight of this bell bottomed tear

Roll out the red carpets and unplug the phone
Root out the photos you've already shown
Cos this is one night you won't sleep alone
Just one night

There's a tear there's a tear
Not through confusion through fear, through fear
And knowing at least that love came so near
Just adds to the weight of this bell bottomed tear

There's a tear, there's a tear
Not through confusion, through fear
Not through confusion, through fear.

Close your legs, open your mind
Leave those compliments well behind
Dig a little deeper into yourself
And you may find

Come over here just sit right down
Needn't comb your hair, needn't pout or frown
I hear you've turned our young men
Into dribbling clowns

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?
36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

Make their day and go ahead
Remove your clothes lie on their bed
Just a last gasp chance or an outside bet
To the easily led

And before you do just what you do
Here' one thought for you to chew
The men who run the business that you sell
They screw you too

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?
36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

You're just another 365 night stand
But you're so handy, you're so handy
You cheapen and you nasty every woman in this land
But you're so handy, you're so handy

Your picture's hanging pretty on the squaddies' walls
You're Steven's, Andy's, you're Ian's, you're Paul's
Your body's through of fondly in the rugby mauls
But you want more

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?

36D so what (D) so what
Is that all that you've got?
He was trying to save his job
He was, he was trying to save his job.

Don't know what I'm doing here
I'll carry on regardless
Got enough money for one more beer
I'll carry on regardless

Good as gold, but stupid as mud
He'll carry on regardless
They'll bleed his heart 'til there's no more blood
But carry on regardless

Carry on with laugh
Carry on with cry
Carry on with brown under moonlit sky

Chorus
I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs
Not in the star signs
Or the palm that she reads
I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss
Not in the next life
I want it in this
I want it in this

Got one note to last all week
I'll carry on regardless
The hill to happiness is far too steep
I'll carry on regardless

Dried his mouth in the Memphis sun
He came on regardless
Turned to smile and he bit his tongue
But carry on regardless

Carry on with work
Carry on with love
Carry on with cheering
Anything above

Chorus
I don't want silver, I just want gold
Carry on regardless
Bronze is for the sick and the old
But carry on regardless

Chorus

(F. Neil)

Everybody's talking at me
I don't hear a word they're saying
Only the echoes of my mind

People stopping staring
I can't see their faces
Only the shadows of their eyes

Chorus
I'm going where the sun keeps shining
Thru' the pouring rain
Going where the weather suits my clothes
Backing off of the North East wind
Sailing on summer breeze
And skipping over the ocean like a stone
Repeat Chorus

Line One is the time
That you, you first stayed over at mine
And we drank our first bottle of wine
And we cried

Line Two we're away
And we both, we both had nowhere to stay
Well the bus-shelter's always OK
When you're young

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
That you die

Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
Not through the age or the failure, children
Not through the hate or despise
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Line Three I forget
But I think, I think it was our first ever bet
And the horse we backed was short of a leg
Never mind

Line Four in a park
And the things, the things that people do in the dark
I could hear the faintest beat of your heart
Then we did

Now you're older and I look at your face
Every wrinkle is so easy to place
And I only write them down just in case
You should die

Let's take a look at these crows feet, just look
Sitting on the prettiest eyes
Sixty 25th of Decembers
Fifty-nine 4th of Julys
You can't have too many good times, children
You can't have too many lines
Take a good look at these crows feet
Sitting on the prettiest eyes

Well my eyes look like a map of the town
And my teeth are either yellow or they're brown
But you'll never hear the crack of a frown
When you are here
You'll never hear the crack
Of a frown

I once had a friend who I loved from my heart
But I went on and left her 'fore I'd made a start
Now I'm moaning the blues like the rest of the charts
Take me back

So I'll cry with a limp
Just get by on a limb
Till these blue eyes of mine they are closed
So here's to an old fashioned peck on the cheek
And farewell my sweet Northern Rose

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die

Those bloody great ballads we hated at first
Well I bought them all, now I'm writing worse
Save us from baldness and saving the earth
Take me back

And I'll smile with a limp
And I'll love with a limp
Till the clouds disappear from above
And as the storm moves away all I can say
Is there's a towel on the door for your love

Give me one last love song
To bring you back, bring you back
Give me one last video, just dressed in black, dressed in black
Give him a chorus and that bit at the end
Where he wails on and on 'bout the loss of a friend
Let him scream loudly 'well this love could mend'
Let it die, let it die, let it die

(F. Andree / W. Schundt / G. Khan )

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you
Birds singing in the sycamore tree
Dream a little dream of me

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading, but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Stars fading, but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave our worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me

Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams - our worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me
Sweet dreams
Sweet dreams
Sweet dreams
Sweet dreams

(F. Andree / W. Schundt / G. Khan )
(Adaptation by Brice Homs / Kurin Ternoutzeff)

Ce souvenir je te le rends.
Des souvenirs, tu sais j'en ai tellement.
Puisqu'on reva de jours errants.
Pas la peine de changer trop...

Ce souvenir je te le prends.
Des souvenirs, comme ca j'en ai tout le temps.
Si par erreur la vie nous separe,
J'le sortirai d'mon tiroir.

J'reve les yeux ouverts.
Ca m'fait du bien.
Ca ne va pas plus loin.
J'vais pas voir derriere
Puisque j'aime bien.
Vivement demain.

Un dernier verre de sherry.
Du sherry mon amant quand je m'ennuie.
Tous les jours se ressemblent a present.
Tu me manques terriblement...

(Mike Greaves)

Little sister don't you cry
Lay your head down close your eyes
Your heart is aching
Mine is aching for you
Little sister don't you cry
Lay your head down close your eyes
And dream of when before young men
Looked at you

Diamonds always shine
You'll find true love again
The mud gets washed off with the rain
Diamonds always shine

Little sister look at me
Do you see the lines around my eyes
They trace the tracks of the tears
I cried inside
For a boy who loved me true
Who found somehow like you
He could not see the point
In going on

Diamonds always shine
You'll find true love again
The mud gets washed off with the rain
Diamonds always shine
Diamonds always shine

(Heaton / Rotheray)

Always alone when thinking hard
Always alone when after dark
I used to wear black
I used to wear black all the time
I used to wear black
I used to wear black all the time

Celebrating my result
With my fine fish-fingered friends

Chorus:
They used to wear black
They used to wear black all the time
They used to wear black
They used to wear black all the time

Watch their faces as Bowie dies
No dogs knees could look that sad

Chorus

No Geoffrey, no Hubert
No Geoffrey, no Hubert

Gold diggers nightmare come true

Eat you up, eat you up
Spit you out, Spit you out
Get up and dance and make your feet speak
Just rock the room from side to side
Just look at the company I keep

Verse one, he was pissed, an excuse that you probably missed
'Cause his smile and his grace made your skirt ride high

Verse two, still drunk and his breath most definitely stunk
Of the lies and the shite he was spitting out

Chorus:
So won't you throw his song away
Won't you throw his song away
Won't you throw his song away

Verse three, is the verse that'll make you smile
And if you're able to hold back the bile and just kiss his hairy ear

Verse four is as sad as a man ever gets
Is a verse built to open your legs
If you don't, if you don't, he'll retire

Chorus

You, you deserve higher than I can sing
Deserve lower than the trumpet can swing
You, you deserve all
Me, I'm beyond all that ism and blues
I'm beyond all that, I always lose
Yes I fuck, but I win

Chorus

When we met I got wet
Just waiting for the chance
To dance at your feet
And wipe your wooden seat

Chorus:
Trevor, you're bizarre
I wish that you could tell
Trevor, you'll go far
I certainly wish you well

He said, I am dead
My career has passed its peak
And I'm weak and you're strong
You'll have to sing this song

Chorus

Your words your fears
Who do they touch on this earth
Who gave birth
Surely they could've done worse

Chorus

Shame he was nice, a nice boy
Just filled with guts and joy
But he died, and an audience of one cried
Shame, he was nice
Filled with guts and joy, filled with guts and joy
He sang it from his heart
And all who said they heard

Said he sang it from his heart

(Cecil and Linda Womak)

Love wars, Love wars
Love wars, Love wars

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
but its taking me under
since you're not here

Its better when its hard to get
but this hide and go seek
well it's making me weep

I promise to stop boxing you round
so don't scratch my face
end of round eight

We need to get our act together
take it off the street
bring it on home and drop them guns on the floor

Love wars (we don't need)
Love wars
Love wars (we don't need)
Love wars

The talks we had don't change a thing
they only bring rain
on top of pain

Flashback and uncover tracks
from when you left
with my best friend

We need to get our act together
take it off the street
bring it on home and drop them guns on the floor

Make love in peace
and then never ever cheat
vow to be strong and let the band roll on

Love wars (we don't need)
Love wars
Love wars (we don't want)
Love wars

Love bombs explodin' in air
until the last one
I really don't care

I remember losing my head
and calling you things
like dirty names

We need to get our act together
take it off the street
bring it on home and drop them guns on the floor

Make love in peace
and then never ever cheat
vow to be strong and let the band roll on

Love wars (we don't need)
Love wars
Love wars (we don't want)
Love wars
Love wars (we can't start)
Love wars
Love wars (we don't need)
Love wars

(Bill Withers)

You just can't smile it away
It's much more than passion it's love
And I've heard some people say
They've seen love move mountains

You just can't laugh it away
It's too deep inside it's love
Not just some game you can play
For a laugh then go on your way

Let's sit and talk it over
And work it out I love you so
And can't we just talk it over
And see what we can do

You can't just pass it away
Like some silly fashion no it's love
And love comes eager to stay
It won't just leave you that way

You can't just pass it away
Like some silly fashion no it's love
And I've heard some people say
They've seen love move mountains no it's love
And I've heard some people say
They've seen love move mountains

When you say goodbye I really want to know
Everything you do and everyplace you go
And did you take a regular supply
Of those crazy little tampax with you
It hurts me deep inside, it hurts me outside too
I feel a little pardon and I feel a little used
If you ever needed someone to polish up your shoes
I'll be waiting, with my brush

I'd move to Italy with you if I had the money
But 'til then I'll sit at home and read maps and go to pub
Where the weather isn't sunny and the weather isn't bad
Where the bellies look so happy but the faces look so sad
But it doesn't really matter what's outside
'Cause I'm in here and he's in here
And she's in here and they're in here
We're all in here, we're all so glad

And in our own funny way we're all in Italy anyway
Eating fancy pasta, climbing mountain ranges
Drinking ice-cold lagers, living in Spanish castles
We're all with you, in our thoughts
In white ankle socks and pink Bermuda shorts
I'll be with you, with you one day, we'll all be with you, with you one day
One sunny beach, one sunny life, we're all glad for you
But 'til then, we're all glad for you, I'm so glad

I am a man, and I have a tent, I have a ball and a bat
I have a li-lo, I have a bucket
I have a good, good, good pair of trunks
I've got a good, good pair of trunks

Well here I am at the airport, with my passport
I have a brain but only just, and we're all glad
We're all so glad, I'm so glad, she's so glad, he's so glad
You know how glad I am?

Do not think of me alive do not think of me as dead
Get that thought right out of your head
Fifty times you told me so to satisfy
I must grow but all you did was pull or blow

If size isn't everything and I'm half his size
How come it's him who gets to keep the prize
But you fuck long and you fuck slow
But you fuck like a walrus smoking blow
I'm too ashamed to scream your name
Well I don't feel hard and I don't feel lame
Never proud and never ashamed
But this bed's too big for the both of us

If size isn't everything well I'll slap my thighs
But there won't be parting and there won't be cries
If size isn't everything then try this size
Turn off the lights and bring a torch

Oh my heart's in the right place
My heart's in the right place
My heart's in the right place
My heart's in the right place
And my heart's twice the size of his arse

So if size isn't everything then try this size
Turn off the lights and bring a torch
And if size isn't everything and I'm half his size
How come it's him who gets to keep the prize
How come it's him who gets to keep the prize

How come it's him who gets to keep the prize

(M. G. Greaves)

Frank loved the blue
Big open skies
Played an old concertina
Singing loola lullabies
Frank loved an angel
With black Spanish eyes
And a smile to remind him of heaven

Frank's been missing since Delores telephoned
Scared of his shadow he's bleached to the bone
Washed in the tears for a love that lays dying
Wings have a habit of flying

Singer and waitress he worked in saloons
Between big red sunsets big yellow moons
Tears in his eyes stones in his shoes
Howling Wolf in his blues

Frank's been missing since Delores telephoned
Scared of his shadow he's bleached to the bone
Washed in the tears for a love that lays dying
Wings have a habit of flying

Oooh tears in his eyes stones in his shoes
Howling Wolf in his blues

(Gibb / Gibb / Gibb)

I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying
Oh had I only seen
That the joke was on me

And I started to cry
Which started the whole world laughing
Oh had I only known
That the joke was on me

I looked at the sky
And holding my hands over my eyes
I fell out of bed
Cursing my head for the things that I said

I finally died
Which started the whole world living
Oh had I only seen that the joke was on me

On me
On me

I finally died
Oh I finally died
I started a joke
Which started the whole world crying

Oh I finally died (repeat above)

He was just a social drinker but social every night
He enjoyed a pint or two or three or four
She was just a silent thinker, silent every night
He'd enjoy the thought of killing her before

Well he was very rarely drunk but very rarely sober
And he didn't think the problem was his drink
But he only knew his problem when he knocked her over
And when the rotting flesh began to stink

Cry freedom for the woman in the wall
Cry freedom for she has no voice at all
I hear her cry all day, all night
I hear her voice from deep within the wall
Made a cross from knitting needles
Made a grave from Hoover bags
Especially for the woman in the wall

She'd knitted him a jumper with dominoes on
So he wore it everyday in every week
Pretended to himself that she hadn't really gone
Pretended that he thought he beard her speak

Then at last it seemed that he was really winning
He felt that he had some sort of grip
But all of his new life was sent a-spinning
When the rotting wall began to drip

My Guy and Patches
Can only hope to match
The evil propaganda that her pen can dispatch
And she better love him good
Or she'll take it on the chin
A woman is a woman
To the enemy within
She can put up a fight
The man will always win
And Danielle Steele
The enemy within

And even photo love
With its pages filled with sin
Couldn't lick the boots of the enemy within
It can only be a chapter
'till her heart will give in
The enemy within
Nothing is as phallic
As a moaning violin
To Danielle Steele
The enemy within

It'll all be worth it
When the cushion takes the pin
The enemy within
It'll all be worth it
When the cushion takes the pin
When the cushion takes the pin
When the cushion takes the pin

It took a few packed bags and a few slammed doors
It took a false, false smile with a septic pause
From my plastic moustache to your clip-on claws
(In other words I hate you)

It took a thousand fights with a thousand draws
It took a blinkered vision for a long lost cause
As Romeo leaves to light applause
(And softly says I hate you)

My attitude leaves a lot to be desired
My fashion sense has never been quite right
But I'd rather live in drainpipes
Than with friends that I've acquired
(In so many words I hate you)

Those winter nights just spent indoors
That criminal fizz in the drink he pours
We smooch all night to "The Theme From Jaws"
(In other words I hate you)

What's yours is mine and mine is yours
A screaming for a get out clause
Here's the man with a thousand mother-in-laws
(In other words I hate you)

My looks leave a lot to be desired
My music taste has never been the trend
But me and Perry Como, well our patience has expired
In so many words I hate you

I was about to write a song about the fear and the doubt
But my pen ran out
It captured the emotions of a lover and a lout
But my pen ran out
So the picture wasn't painted and the story wasn't told
No one knows the author 'cause the record never sold
And I know they never will until he's bitter and he's old
His time ran out

I was gonna share my blues with a nation full of blues
But my pen ran out
I was gonna spread the news of the way I always lose
But my pen ran out
So I'll keep an envelope with all the words I should have said
Hide it in a tiny box underneath my bed
And written on the outside will be 'open when he's dead'
And written on the outside will be 'open when he's dead'

His time ran out, his time ran out
His time ran out, his time ran out

Invite Jesus back into your heart
What you feelin'
Misery, misery depart
Use God's wisdom; make a brand new start
But invite Jesus
Invite Jesus back into your heart

I was blind, but now I see
It was Jesus, it was Jesus hoodwinking me
First book, first chapter, first verse
Don't send a begging man to a bankrupt chruch

Chorus:
Cause this church is my church, not yours
And the wisdom knows the truth
And old testaments agree
Fleet St. B.C.

Take Cliff Richards back into your heart
Pay him money
What's a good Lord
What's a good Lord charge?
Join the church of the Sacred Heart
Invite Jesus
Invite Jesus back into your heart

You can best the bible
You can sing the song of praise
Ten Hail Marys or a simple word like Grace
When you're on your knees
And you don't know what to think
Don't forget the wisemen worked for a High Street bank

Chorus:
Cause this church is my church, not yours
And wisdom knows the truth
And the old testaments agree
its Fleet Street B.C.

I was blind
But now I
But now I see
I was blind...

A winning smile of gleaming teeth
W.O. on his handkerchief
He does a handstand for his fans
Have you seen those beautiful hands?

Marching to the sound of drums
Look at the guitar he strums
He's the man with the golden gums
Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm he hums

Chorus:
Just to hear the words you speak
Just to feel your body heat
Just to see what's underneath this week
So take a look at this boy
Stand back, enjoy
Take a look at his ploy
He's cool, he's coy
They go higher, higher
'Til they set themselves on fire
They go higher, higher
'Til they set the neighbourhood on fire

In baggy underpants and vest
He makes a move toward his guest
Round and round and up the spire
Loving like a tumble dryer
Just to see him undressed
Put his manhood to the test
I suppose I could have guessed

Repeat chorus