Randy Newman Album

I don't love the mountains
And I don't love the sea
And I don't love Jesus
He never done a thing for me
I ain't pretty like my sister
Or smart like my dad
Or good like my mama

It's money that I love
It's money that I love

They say that money
Can't buy love in this world
But it'll get you a half-pound of cocaine
And a sixteen-year old girl
And a great big long limousine
On a hot September night
Now that may not be love
But it is all right

One, two
It's money that I love
Wanna kiss you
Three, four
It's money that I love

Used to worry about the poor
But I don't worry anymore
Used to worry about the black man
Now I don't worry about the black man
Used to worry about the starving children of India
You know what I say now about the starving children of India?
I say, "Oh mama"

It's money that I love
It's money that I love
It's money that I love

They were six fine English boys
Who knew each other in Birmingham
They bought a drum and guitar
Started a rock-roll band

And Johnny played little violin
And Bobby Joe played the big violin
The one that stands on the floor
They were all in the rock-roll band

Their first song sounded like this
Please get me a witness
Please get me a witness

Right off, they needed a name
Someone said, "How 'bout The Renegades?"
Johnny said, "Well I don't know.
I prefer E.L.O."

I love their "Mr. Blue Skies"
Almost my favorite is "Turn to Stone"
And how 'bout "Telephone Line"?
I love that E.L.O.

Have we got a tough guy here?
Have we got a tough guy from the street?
And he looks just like that dancing wop In those movies that we've seen
With his cute little chicken shit boots on
And his cute little chicken shit hat
And his cute little chicken shit girlfriends
Ridin' along in back

What's been happening with you boys? Are you having a nice time on your trip?
All the way from Jersey City
And you look pretty as a picture
Please don't hurt no one tonight Please don't break no woman's heart How 'bout it, you little prick?
How 'bout it?

Hope we're gonna get the chance
To show you 'round
Hope we're gonna get the chance
To show you 'round
Talk tough to me, Pretty Boy
Tell us all about the mean streets of home
Talk tough to me

Golly, Mister, where you going?
You'll be late for work
Careful or you'll drop your briefcase Jesus, what a jerk
There he goes
Down to the subway
Off to catch the train
Too bad for him
He forgot his umbrella
Poor Mr. Sheep
You're wet Mr. Sheep
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on

Tell me, how's your little family?
How's your little wife?
Are you going to live with these monsters
For the rest of your life?
Maybe you got a little girlfriend Stashed somewhere in town
Maybe you ain't got a little girlfriend
Ha ha ha ha ha Poor Mr. Sheep
He's a lonely guy too
Walk on

Dance, Mister!
Hey, he's doin' OK
Oh, oh Oh, he's all right
Let him get up by himself

Now I don't want to be too rough
And I don't want to be too mean
You're right - This world is awful tough
I know exactly what you mean
But I want you to know
Exactly how I feel
And to tell you the truth
Right now I feel like going
I feel like going
Baa! Baa Mr. Sheep!
Careful, you're walking all over your own self now
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on, Mr. Sheep
Walk on

Stay with me for a little while You've nowhere to go And I've nowhere to go It makes me so happy When you smile At me Work all your life And you end up with nothing Live in one room like a bum Once I flew in a plane And I fought in a war We lived in a castle And slept on the floor And I don't want to be All alone anymore I'm sorry Out in the street There's little colored kids playing Where my own little boy used to play So I sit in this chair And I ache with the gout And I talk to myself 'Cause I'm scared to go out And I just want to know What was it all about I'm sorry.

Here's an old, old story
'Bout a man and a woman
Gone off to California
'Cause they just got married
All their friends in Boston
Are so very happy
They're dancing in the doorway
'Cause their friends got married
He gets a job
Working in a car wash up in Santa Cruz
She gets a job
Teaching at a nursery school
Oh, she's so nice.
What's gonna happen to 'em soon
They have a little white-haired baby
Looks just like his daddy
And they're all real happy
A couple years go by
She's going to see the doctor
It's just a regular checkup
(oh no) Plus she thinks she might be pregnant
Anyway, she dies
And he moves down to Los Angeles
Meets a foolish young girl with lots of money
Now they're getting married

Little mama from Japan
Sent by her masters to a foreign land
"Go out with the sailors, hang 'round the dock
Get out of the way, when the bombs start to drop"
You know she's a...

Spy
Be careful what you say, boys
Spy
She looks just like a schoolgirl

Big fat Russian, looks like a buffalo
Check into a dude ranch in New Mexico
Nearby in the desert great scientific minds
Struggle with questions of space and time
Watch out for him

Spy
You can tell he ain't no cowboy
Spy
Vhoaaa!

If you love this country and I hope you do
Then listen closely to what I say to you
They're in the shipyard, they're in the factory
And they might look just like you
Or they might look just like me
But they're...

Spies
Everywhere you go see 'em
Spies
They even got 'em in Chicago

Was a little girl
Maybe five-foot-two
Had the cutest little feet
Made my heart go tweet-tweet
Quite a pleasant disposition

Then came a pretty young French girl, mmm
Whom I met in Las Vegas
When I was there with my parents
Oh my
Had a real nice conversation

Met a girl at the bakery
She wanted to borrow my car from me
I said, "Take it, baby"
She took it down to Mexico
Ran over a man named Juan

Then I went to college
Met a college girl
She lived in the sorority house
Across from the school
Got a real fine education
Had seven women on my mind

Now I'm married
Have a very lovely wife
Three cute little boys
It's so nice
And that's just half the story
Of the girls in my life

This big old queen was standing
On the corner of the street
He waved his hanky at me
As I went rolling by
I pulled the truck up on the sidewalk
And I climbed down from the cab
With my tire-chain and my knife

As I approached him
He was trembling like a bird
I raised the chain above my head
He said, "Please, before you kill me
Might I have one final word?"
And this is what he said:
"I am but Half A Man, Half A Man
I'd like to be a dancer
But I'm much too large
Half A Man, Half A Man
I'm an object for your pity
Not your rage"

Oh, the strangest feeling's sweeping over me
Both my speech and manner have become much more refined
I said, "Oh, what is this feeling?
What is wrong with me?"
She said, "Girl, it happens all the time

"Now you are Half A Man, Half A Man
Look, you're walking and you're talking
Like a fag."
Half A Man, I am Half A Man
Holy Jesus, what a drag

William Brown, a tobacco man
Left North Carolina when he sold his land
He took a train to Omaha
Stayed there with some friends he had

And he didn't mind the dust
And he didn't mind the wind
And he didn't mind the cold
And he didn't miss home

And he liked the people
And he liked the town
So he built himself a house beside the river
And he sent for his children
And he sent for his cars
And he bought a little business that would
run itself

And he didn't mind the dust
And he didn't mind the wind
And he didn't mind the cold
And he didn't miss home

Gonna take off my pants Gonna take off my pants Gonna take off my pants Gonna take off my pants And your mama can't stop me And your papa can't stop me And the police can't stop me No one can stop me Gonna do it right now Gonna do it right now I'm gonna take off my pants Gonna take off my pants And your teachers can't stop me And your priests can't stop me And your firemen can't stop me And the President can't stop me Will you take off my pants? Will you take off my pants?