NOFX Album

I'm not here to entertain you
I'm here to meet my friend the Russian, the Irish, the German, the Colombian

I don't care how bad I #### up, I care about how ###### up I get
I'm not your clown, I'm your dealer and I'm holdin' 3 bindles of bullshit
And you're buyin' it cause you are addicted to the pure and totally uncut

I'm not here to amuse you, I'm here to abuse my body
I'm here because old habits die hard
And seriously what else am I supposed to do?
This isn't my job, my hobby, my habit, it's sad, but this is my life

Welcome to our mission statement total self-debasement and not giving our all (watch us fall)
It's not that we don't pull it, it's just we only give about 60 or so percent
Would you rather be fed bullshit from some 20 something makeup wearing pop star?
"This one goes out to all our loyal fans all over the world
We couldn't have done it without you we love you Modesto"
#### you and your taking it easy before the show
So you won't lose your voice and disappoint your fans routine
You don't care about the children, you don't even know them, all you know is their money

It's like seeing a car crash from inside the car
The driver's got his head craned back he's telling you a joke
You see the bus on collision course
You point your arm and turn your head and wait for the impact
This is the feeling we learn to live with in North America
The morning headlines always accompanied with sweat and nausea
Every week another puzzle piece gets permanently glued into place

We see the iceberg from 15 miles away
The captain orders the ship to "stay the course"
"Full speed ahead" shouts the accurst
The next thing we heard was, "Richard women and children first"
The ship is listing, the captain's placing blame on the iceberg
"That berg attacked us, I am declaring war on the Arctic"
Who could ever have predicted the greatest ship could so easily sink (duh)

Lifeboats are useless without rescue
The only ships show up for salvage
When setting sail on the St. Louis
We all knew what consequences could be
With the crew we had at the controls
There's no harbor age for the USA-holes
I doubt there's a benign God to save our souls
Cuz no one else is gonna save the USA-holes

It's 3 o'clock at the Triple Rock, another round of watching Paddy talk
It's where you wanna get snowed in when you get
Snowed in, outside it's 10 below, is it day or night, we don't care or know
What we know is that we don't wanna be
Anywhere but here, please don't make us leave
When in Minnesota and you got a drinking quota

I'm seeing double at the Triple Rock, we're still here watching Paddy talk
Then undress, then get out the duct tape
The one question still remains, how much more art can we take?
I'll let you know when the medication wears off

I'm a religious drunk and this is where I pray
The church of alcoholics can't break up the congregation
Give us air to breathe, through carbonation
We are at liquor church, genuflecting on barstools
We're praying that the taps will keep the holy water flowing
Key kicks of communion, then a long night of confessions
Coming home after noon seems to raise a lot of questions
When in Minnesota and you got a drinking quota

We meet in underground parking lots
And late night in coffee shops
With voices low unless we’re drunk
We've got hats and cupped sunglasses
We question all that is wrong
We discuss conspiracy
Are we enemies of the state?
Or idealist bourgeoisie?

I’ll get this one, put it on my card
I get frequent flyer mileage
And a booklet of upgrades
So next time I visit the third world
I won’t have to fly second class
The people's revolution is gonna be a podcast

We took the bus to the anarchist book fair
I left the hybrid at home
I scored an extremely rare signed copy of the communist manifesto
We protested the G8, got maced by female police
In hot black uniforms and boots
I got one’s e-mail address

Still I’m waiting to see if my bid on eBay was enough
To get "Today’s Empires Are Tomorrow’s Ashes" on soviet red vinyl
It’s going on the wall next to "Tubthumper" and "The Battle Of Los Angeles"
Of Los Angeles

When they tightly strap me in, give me lethal injection,
Just a few moments to live, no remorse for what I did,
Was for the benefit of man, I gave the utmost sacrifice,
Before more damage could be done I took his life.

There was a split second of silence when the dart punctured the skin,
Beady eyes rolled back in head, the body dropped from the poison,
They could incapacitate me, but could not erase my sneer,
I heard a thousand people screaming, while three billion others cheered,
He was gone, and I would soon be...

Executed by the state, all appeals would be in vain,
I was not criminally insane, in fact I was found to be,
An otherwise caring and respectable member of society,
A minor threat except for that one man I killed.

As the sedatives take effect, I just smile, close my eyes,
There's a priest kneeling next to me, he asks me if I realize,
I was going straight to hell, and he thought that I should know,
That the man I killed's replacement planned this whole scenario,
And what I did had no significance at all.

Tired of shootin' smack, tired of on the run, traded the needle... for the gun
Tired of livin' small, tired of the withdrawal, no more retreat, give it the all

Oh Benny how many times you tried to kill yourself,
OD's and robberies and super stunts, I never thought you'd die for them

Riding around in tanks, fire a round of blanks, Benny had never had such fun
Until he took a wrong step into a bomb, and that's when Benny got blowed up

Alone, under a blanket soaked with sweat and piss,
We figured Benny would end up like this
We just didn't think for them

We call the heartland not very smartland, IQ's are very low but threat levels are high
They got a mandate, they don't want man-dates, they got so many hates and people to despise

In the dust bowl, cerebral black hole, the average weight is well over 200 pounds
I hate to generalize, but have you seen the thighs, most haven't seen their genitalia in a while

Maybe that's why they're so pissed at us
They're all jealous we're having better sex

Queers, transgends, and lesbians, vegans and vegetarians
All you brownish red and yellow ones come out and join us on the coast

No longer svelte, they gotta punch new holes in the Bible belt
They've blown out the fire under the melting pot, the red blood of America is starting to clot
No compromise, no sight thru others' eyes, they're just flies spreading pieces of shit
You gotta emigrate, stop living in hate, what makes this country great is dwelling on either side

They don't want visitors in Jesusland
They want life bland and canned in the fatherland

We want people with college degrees, drug use experience and STD's
People with open-minded philosophies, come hug California trees
Cultural revolution now, neo-conservatives run outta town
We're gonna burn Orange County down,
And then we're off to Riverside, Bakersfield and Fresno too, then we're comin' after you

The fear stricken, born again Christian, they got a vision a homogenized state
Texas textbooks, Bibles, and prayer books,
They want them memorized, but don't want you to think

They don't want visitors in Jesusland
They want life bland and canned in the fatherland

Punk Rockers and emo kids, people doin' things the church forbids
Buddhists, agnostics, and atheists we're moving out of jesusland
Art students and thespians, (excluding country) all the musicians
We want all hookers and comedians, nihilists are welcome too

No longer svelte, they gotta punch new holes in the Bible belt

I'm on the wagon now but she doesn't know
I'm getting high on the down low
Cause when I got the music I got no place to go
Unless I got a bottle in me

I'm in the Cadillac, they're starting to stare
Who's the guy with the blood in his hair
The last thing I remember I was going somewhere
And then the stop sign got in the way

[cough]

I'm laying low in a hospital bed
I gotta a dent and a crack in the head
That's okay cause I got no idea what I just said
Gotta love the hospital meds

I'm getting high on the D.L.

Absolute shibari, cold noodles and hot sake
The mistress bar in Roppongi is the place
For Japanese hardcore, not the kind you’re gonna find at the record store
Not the kind designed for the kind hearted

Do not pass go, do not get bail
Go directly to Osaka Jail
Where you get locked or drunk under the table

For just under 10,000 yen
You can visit hell and come back again
For the process of hurting and healing
Cake and candle wax dessert
It’s not fun ‘til someone gets hurt
Who’s the next to get hung from the ceiling

So if you want rewards and consequence
They got the cool and unusual punishments
Get on your knees for Japanese instruction
Rope and Cigarette burns, forget about any health concerns
This is pure assisted self-destruction

Kanpai and bottoms up, unhelping hands hogtie you up
One bad deed surely deserves another
Bruised from bamboo caning
Coming home try explaining this to your significant other
Good fucking luck…

We are Rome, Aztec Mexico, Easter Island paradigm
We are followers of Jimmy Jones, cutting in the kool-aid line

We are Animal Farm Pigs, we are a Terry Gilliam film
We are fear Oligarchy, we are wolves in wolves' clothing, we are this planet's kidney stones

In the process of getting passed, metamorphosis from first to last
A system breaking down beyond repairs
A product of three million millionaires and 100 million easy marks

We are Marie Antoinette, we are Joseph McCarthy
We've finally become the divided states
A nation built on freedoms, fears, and hates, the denotaion of Irony

We all want a hollywood end, but we're getting a foreign one
The script has already been penned, and titled, "the epitaph of a drowning nation"

Despues de 235
canciones, los liricos se valuan mas
y no tengo ningunos para esta

El Hefe canta melodia triste
o canta amor de la corazon
haz como que hable español

Ojala que la mayoria
de nuestros aficionados
no entiendan nada que canto
para los otros: chinga su madre, guey

fighting with gloves
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder
hitting above the belt
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder
citing defense
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder
absorbing all the lies
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder

we get what we fucking deserve
bringing raised fists to a knife fight
you'd think developed minds could learn
not to give benefit of doubt
you wouldn't trust a hungry animal
around your newborn, would you?

sharing the wealth
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder
taking the high road
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder
showing respect
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder
giving a shit
now we're the ones a hundred times fuckeder

did anyone really expect
to win a race already fixed
the spoils doled out in advance
the ??? heir already picked
all allegations of fraud
categorically dismissed as absurd

I'm swimming in a sea of pee
I'm hiking up a big mountain of poo
I feel like rolling in glass when I'm without you

I'm diving in a bowl of puke
I'm fly fishing a stream of puss
That's how I feel when something separates us

I'm living in Bakersfield
I'm at a month long hip-hop festival

Your only daughter's turning tricks cause she's jonesin' for a fix
She just blew your mechanic, that's when you will lose your wife's
Overdose was a success, humiliation was too great
Now with your estate foreclosed, you will surely lose your head
Was in a bad place when you punched your supervisor in the throat
An inadvertent fatal blow, were the words your lawyer used
On the unsympathetic judge, who was having a bad day
So he threw your life away, is faith still comforting you?
I know the answer, still I ask, where is your god now?

You thought it was the Christian thing to do, breaking up that fight at school
'Til the gun came into play, and the sight was set on you
Running was ironic cause it was the last time you would
You wish the kids you tried to help wouldn't laugh when he saw you
Are the invisible man, no one looks you in the eye
You've become an anecdote, the wrong place at the wrong time
The worst case scenario, the proverbial "that guy"
You never did question your faith; you flushed it with your first piss bag
That's why I have to ask, where is your god now?

[Melvin]
Life on a mattress in a room-
in a room full of emptiness

[Fat Mike]
Knowledge has much better uses
than self-pity and superiority

[Melvin]
Maybe you are or could be the next
Hoffman, Mahatma, or Chomsky,
But no one will ever know.
The sum of your parts
are not gonna change any hearts,
not with hate in your eyes.

[Fat Mike]
In order to lead by example
you have to show a path to a better world,
not a cell

these two shots are for derrick
for rifle not the handgun
for coffee and cigarettes
give it back
you know suicide isn't painless
when you leave everyone in pain
the two shots will never go down the same

this beating's for jimmy
for ultimate devotion
for your mind of my own
bring out your dead
sedated, flatulated
you were the one most
loved and hated
thanks for all that carpet
and your songs

this petron's for jason
this lager's for andy
and these doses are for bomer
and this fix is for bradley
this ritalin's for lumpy
and this speedball's for friday
this nitrous hit is for lynn ??
best friend dobbs

this bowl is for my mom
for drinking more than i did
for posting bail for me
in new york
and in hollywood that first time
and that joint we smoked was the worst time
cause doing drugs with parents is just wrong

this petron's for jason
this lager's for andy
and these doses are for bomer
and this fix is for bradley
this song is for winning losers
it's for lucky substance abusers
the ones who left their black marks
on us all

We're the band with our own label
That's money under the table, that's answering to no one
But still, other bands just love to hate us
Talking shit behind us, but smiling to our face

That's OK, it's not that they don't like us
They're just a little jealous, cause
we're having more fun
(the band that wouldn't die)
We're the self-crowned kings of candor, sultans of slander
Bastions of D.I.Y.

Which means we make more money, we've got better prescriptions
We own most of our own music, no one's got their hands in our pockets
We don't have management, we get to play loaded
and only 3 months a year
Some years we just take off, vacations are a write off,
and so is goin' out (fuck us)
I suppose that's how we'll go out,
played out and way after our time