Lard Album

Yippee tai-yai-yai-yo!
Evil commie empire's gone
Yippee tai-yai-yai-yay!
Now we're the only one

Let there be peace on Earth
What ever gave you that idea
Economy depends on guns
We'll have an arms race with ourselves

March!
March!
Forward to the caves!

General who's never been to war
Is like a rapist who's never been laid
Like shootin' fish in a barrel
Inner child must be fed

Deep-fry a quarter million ragheads
Into crispy Eagle Snacks
Pure chewing satisfaction
Pure chewing satisfaction

March!
March!
Ah-Ha-Ha
(Question ain't, "Who killed JFK?"
But, where are they now?.
Who's a-gonna buy our missiles?
Who's a-gonna buy our guns?
Everyone on the whole damned planet
We'll throw in free land mines

Starve the Russians 'til a nut takes over
Put the Arms Race back on boil
As the world's population's exploding
Wars for water, not oil

Too damn many people already
Clutter land we could use for golf
Egg 'em on to bloodbaths like Rwanda
Help 'em eat each other alive

Praise God
We brought the rapture on
Hey, wait for me...

I wanna be a drug-sniffing dog
So I can snort coke all day long
Bite my master when it suits me
Get off on diminished capacity

I wanna be a customs man
Snoop through your stuff 'cos I can
Sneaky-peaky pry through your private lives
Stroke your panties jackin' off at lunch

Weh-Oh, Weh-Oh-Ho!
Sure beats Alpo

It's the life
It's the stink
It's the attitude

I wanna be a San Francisco cop
So I can speed and run red lights
And sure as Rodney was a King
We got ways to make you sing

We can seize everything
Houses, cars, and life savings
Keep the loot for ourselves
Fake drug charge works every time

I wanna join the Christian Coalition
So I can molest my children
None suspect me cos I've been saved
Til my stepdaughter drowns her kids in a lake

Weh-Oh!, Weh-Oh
Spare rod
Spoil the child

It's the life
It's the stink
Choose your masks

Spiral down the path
Of least resistance
Down a chute to a bed of nails
That becomes a trampoline

Bouncing lost souls
From extreme to extreme
Emperor Ludwig is with us
So is Doctor T

Technicolor stairs & spires
Fantasia trips and wires
5,000 happy fingers
Ready to play our song

Vortex recedes
All I hear and see
Echoes of my face and fears
In a chamber of one-way mirrors

Voices from the drain
Whisper like machines
Now that you're in our dimension
You'll never leave

Ahh... treasure gleams
To leash and harvest thee

Down, down to Bermuda Triangle
Sink, sink 10,000 feet below
Time to finally meet the zookeepers
We let swallow us whole

Moths
Light any flame
They fly right in

Deep in Chinatown
In New York City
Drop a coin into a cage
Chickens dance on a hot plate

Hot foot round & round
Till the wheel runs down
That's you as we view
Through our ceiling of glass

Kneel...
Al Jolson style
Please, please
Can I get a raise?

Crawl, crawl through the steaming jungle
Please, please more purple Kool Aid
Tabloid beauty corpses point the way
We're not in Kansas any more

I went to Blockhead Video
To rent a tape of people makin' love
Couldn't find no love in here
"It's a family store, see here!"

Settled for "Faces Of Death"
But they'd rented it to some kid
I'm tired of the same old gore
Kick Butt Cable Network gives me more

All day
All night
Broadcast live

Gas
Fry
Injection
Die

Bring the pretzels, bring the kids
Have a party, have a beer
Phil Donahue got his wish
Executions on live TV

Here's your host, Kozy Kinkwicket!
What's your name?... You're 14?
And what are you being put to death for today?
Is your family here?

What was your last meal?
Any last words for the fans?
Longer you cling to life-
More prizes for your friends

Gas
Fry
Yeh
Awright

What's it gonna be, Old Sparky?
More points for the firing squad
Grand prize, step inside
The Hundred Thousand Dollar Gas Chamber

Answer one question:
How do we teach, 'Thou Shalt Not Kill'?
The gas is rising
There goes the bell

Five minutes...
Six minutes...
Ladies and gentlemen,
He's swallowed his tongue!

Vanna applauds

Disconnected, dysfunctional
Soulmates with nobody else
Sing a song for the New Ice Age
Greed has made us lonely

Faith, Hope and Treachery
Faith, Hope and Treachery
Faith, Hope and Treachery
Faith, Hope and Treachery

Children of the 80's
Values shaped by Reagan greed
Don't stick long with anything
Going gets tough, change the channel and
flee

In
Out
Twist
Shout

Everyone's scared of everyone else
No kind act goes unpunished
Show you care just shows you're weak

So take 'em all for what they're worth
Otherwise they'll get you first
#1 must be preserved
Friends aren't for keeps, they're for dessert

In
Out
Twist
And Shout

Faith, Hope and Treachery
Faith, Hope and Treachery
Faith, Hope and Treachery
Faith, Hope and Treachery

Years go by, get sick of games
Warmth gets repressed just like hate
Reagen children flunk out at love
It's always someone else's fault

It's always someone else's fault
It's always someone else's fault
It's always someone else's fault
Faith, Hope and Treachery

God's sounded the alarm
Dare not push the snooze button
Your favourite metalhead and mine
Child-molesting freak

Used Seven Seals to scare his flock
So he could sin
Defiled young girls beneath
Posters of Megadeth
But then...

They tried to take his guns
They tried to take his guns
Coulda grabbed him when he's out jogging
Or scamming chicks in bars

But oh no
They brought S.W.A.T. teams and tanks
Waco's a sign
One-World Gover
Peeling back the foreskin of Liberty
What do we see?
Ain't God fillin' teeth
It's Jews and Hillary

Communist Chinese
Grind up orphan babies
To sell in powder form
At New Age health food stores

They're trying to take our guns
They're trying to take our guns
They treated Randy Weaver
Like a two-bit pot dealer

Shot up his Little House on the Prairie
At Ruby Ridge
S.W.A.T. teams shoot potheads all the time
But he was a Nazi, dammit

Live Free or Die
Live Free or Die
That's what I say

What's that noise?
It's those helicopters again
See 'em in the sky, they're always black
What does that tell you, huh?

U.N. troops wait in salt mines
Under Detroit of all places
To storm up from the sewers
For door-to-door raids

To take our guns
They're trying to take our guns
Feminazis and eco-terrorists
I'm not making this up

I got my back yard bunker
Machine guns and grenades
To protect myself from you
Trying to take them away

Live Free or Die
Live Free or Die
Live Free or Die
Live Free or Die

Tear down those highway signs
So the U.N. can't find me
White Shangri-La of Post Falls, Idaho
Will now secede

We'll show them
We'll show them
Damn right it's the End Times
When Christians win!

Live Free or Die
Live Free or Die
Live Free or Die
Live Free or Die

Lotta good that P.H.D. did me
Stuck... grocery store security
Cigar store Indian
Fake badge authority
Nothing ever happens here

Hark!
Camera, aisle 5
Dude with hair sprayed on
Pocketing razors
Pantyhose... why not?
Can opener and creme corn - what?!?!

Mangoat
Too hairy
Must shave
And warn others

No foam
All alone
Gorilla hair
Must go

Creme corn
Creme corn
Yep

Poor Kaw-liga
Never got his kiss
No one-way mirrors
To lurk behind as you undress

Aye-
He's headed for the back
Singing, "The hills are alive...
With the sound of music-"
Yonder,
Lady screams

Mangoat
In my stall
Make him stop
He'll shave us all

Hair off his back
Round the room it flies
Inquiring minds
Wanna know why

Creme Corn
Creme Corn
Why

Mangoat
Come out of that bathroom
We have you surrounded

Mangoat
Clean up your hairy mess
Give up that frothy chew toy
You're under arrest

Come out with cloven hooves
Above your mossy head
Bite one more officer
You'll trade that rag for lead

Creme Corn
Creme Corn
Creme Corn
Creme Corn
Why?

Snake on a dune
Sand so moist and cool
Crawls up to a ledge
To survey the valley below

Slither into town
In the velvet Elvis night
Spiralling remains
Of a garden of delights

The builders are all gone
Their monuments remain
Outlasted by what they once controlled
How on earth is this explained

Sidewind
Refine
Survive
What's left behind

Can't burrow a home down here
Old asphalt lies below
Goodbyes from the dead play on
Half-curied video gravestones

Cracked patches of neon
Flickers as the wind blows
What kind of drugs were these creatures on
To want so much it ate them whole

Aversion to detergent
Always naturally clean
Sleep all day, crush mice by night
More civilized if you ask me

Sidewind
Refine
Survive
What's left behind

Wake up in the bushes
Brush the crust out of my eyes
Fluff the dirt out of my hair
As the bright sun's beatin' down

Time to hit the road
Time to find the rain
Away from the cage where the light bulbs
blaze
Hitch a ride to another plain

Sidewind
Refine
Survive
What's left behind