John Cooper Clarke Album

I'm ankle deep in human waste
The toilet has been clogged
Marrowbone jelly all over the place
I don't even have a dog
The man upstairs he grabs my arm
Saying don't I know your dad
All I could hear were the fire alarms
The day my pad went mad

All I could hear were the fire alarms
The day my pad went mad

The kitchen has been ransacked
Ski trails in the hall
A chicken has been dhansaked
And thrown against the wall
In walks this dumb waiter
With a fountain pen and pad
Saying how do you want this alligator
The day my pad went mad

Saying how do you want this alligator
The day my pad went mad

The hamster had been slaugtered
The parrot bound and gagged
The guard dog had been sorted out
And absolutely shagged
The goldfish drowned, the cat was found
Kicked around and stabbed
The radio did not make a sound
The day my pad went mad

The radio did not make a sound
The day my pad went mad

The pop-up toaster refused to pop
The chandelier was smashed
The starter motor would not stop
The tyres had been slashed
There was no way out of there
I was stuck with what I had
Out of order, beyond repair
The day my pad went mad

Out of order, beyond repair
The day my pad went mad

Yesterday I had the place rewired
And slung out all of my junk
A tumble dryer and a two bar fire
And a telephone now defunct
I peeped through the venetian blinds
And the rain fell down so sad
On the broken home I left behind
The day my pad went mad

On the broken home I left behind
The day my pad went mad

A family affair.
We get the picture,
We're in it somewhere.
Permanent fixtures.
People who care.
Stranger beware,
This is a family affair

All of our yesterday's.
Familiar rings,
I have to get away,
Its breaking my heart strings.
We have a drink,
On special occasions,
It makes me think,
About distant relations,

A family affair.
Always a mixture.
Of people in chairs,
Permanent fixtures,
With pressure to bear.
People who care.
This is a family affair.

Holiday snapshots.
Of you and myself.
Acting the crackpot,
Like everyone else.

The Bermuda shorts,
and the summer creations,
Bringing thoughts,
of those distant relations.

A family affair.

We brake ornaments, and get them repaired,
We bring up past events that hang in the air.

This is a family affair.

All our yesterdays.
Familiar rings.
I have to get away, from some sourroundings.
Weddings and funerals, special occasions,
And all the usual distant relations.

A family affair.

Look at this picture.
We're in there, look there.
Permanent fixtures.
People who care,
Whisper who dares,
This is a family affair.