Frank Zappa Album

(includes an excerpt from Hands With A Hammer and part of the leather conversation)

(Berkeley Community Theater
December 5, 1980
engineer: Tommy Fly

FZ lead guitar
Steve Vai rhythm guitar
Ray White rhythm guitar
Ike Willis rhythm guitar
Tommy Mars keyboards
Bob Harris keyboards
Arthur Barrow bass


Vinnie Colaiuta drums

Terry Bozzio voice
Patrick O'Hearn voice
Davey Moire voice?)

Bozzio: Talk him down, Vic . . .
Moire?: Mmm . . .
O'Hearn: Come on down, Johnny . . .
Moire?: Okay . . .

Love is a burning thing
(That's right)
And it leaves a fiery ring
(That's a firey ring)
I was captured by pure desire
(That's right)
I fell into a ring of fire
(Ow! Ow! Ow!)

I fell into a burning ring of fire
I fell down down down
And the flames licked up higher
And it burns burns burns
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
("It's hot")

Love
("It's hot")
Is a burning thing
(That's right, it's the same verse again)
And it makes a fiery ring
(It's one way of learning English)
(Senator Hawkins: Pyromania)
I was captured by pure desire
(Pure desire)
I fell into that burning ring of fire
(Ow! Ow! Ow!)

I fell into that burning ring of fire
(Johnny'll never know what he missed)
I fell down down down
And those flames licked up higher
And it burns burns burns
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
That ring of fire
That ring of fire

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outa-sight!"
He said, for a nominal service charge,
I could reach Nirvana t'nite
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said . . .
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Afro-dytee
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this, little fella, but it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said . . .
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a geroo are you anyway?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me
Don't waste yer time . . .

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up yer snout
"BUT I GOT A KRISTL BOL!", he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbos then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound
I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around,
I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down . . . "
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know,
You could make more money as a butcher,
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me . . . )
Ohm shonty, ohm shonty, ohm shonty-ohm
SSHONTAY

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

If you should see a girl on the street
Now maybe you might think she is sweet
But if you wanna tickle her treat
Now really, what should you do?
(Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!)

Don't never let her know you are smart
The universe is no place to start
You gotta play it straight from the heart
She gwine renunciate you
(That's why you gotta . . . )

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Now maybe you might think this is crude
And maybe you might think I am rude
And maybe this approach I have spewed
Is not the one for you
(Rat-tat-tat-tat ta-da!)

But believe me later on you'll find
As you impress her with your mind
That you would just be left behind
For a wiser fool
(So you might as well)

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

Find her finer, sneak up behind her
Wrapped like a mummy till you finally unwind her
Find her blinder, see who designed her
Act like a dummy till you finally grind her

What's there to live for?
Who needs the peace corps?
Think I'll just DROP OUT
I'll go to Frisco
Buy a wig & sleep
On Owsley's floor

Walked past the wig store
Danced at the Fillmore
I'm completely stoned
I'm hippy & I'm trippy
I'm a gypsy on my own
I'll stay a week & get the crabs &
Take a bus back home
I'm really just a phony
But forgive me
'Cause I'm stoned

Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up on every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . .

How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya Frisco!
How I love ya, How I love ya
How I love ya, How I love ya
Oh, my hair is getting good in the back!

Every town must have a place
Where phony hippies meet
Psychedelic dungeons
Popping up on every street
GO TO SAN FRANCISCO . . .

Hotcha!

First I'll buy some beads
And then perhaps a leather band
To go around my head
Some feathers and bells
And a book of Indian lore
I will ask the Chamber Of Commerce
How to get to Haight Street
And smoke an awful lot of dope
I will wander around barefoot
I will have a psychedelic gleam in my eye at all times
I will love everyone
I will love the police as they kick the shit out of me on the street
I will sleep . . .
I will, I will go to a house
That's, that's what I will do
I will go to a house
Where there's a rock & roll band
'Cause the groups all live together
And I will join a rock & roll band
I will be their road manager
And I will stay there with them
And I will get the crabs
But I won't care
Because . . .

I left my heart
Way down in San Francisco

FZ: One more time for our men in uniform…

Moo moo moo moo
(Moo-moo moo-moo-moo
Me mee-nee mee-nee moo-moo)

FZ: Later that night…

Three hunderd years ago
Thought I might get some sleep
Stretched myself out onna antique bed
An' my spirit did a midnight creep

You know I'll never sleep no more

To me it seem that is just ain't wise

Didja ever wake up in the mornin'
With a ZOMBY WOOF behind your eyes

I am the ZOMBY WOOF
I'm the creature all the ladies been
Talkin' about

I am the ZOMBY WOOF
They all seek for shelter when I come chargin' out
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Tellin' you all the Zomby troof
Here I'm is...

Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF
Reety-awrighty, he da ZOMBY WOOF

The said aw-reety
An' they was aw-righty
An' I was a Zomby for you, little lady...

I got a great big pointed fang
Which is my Zomby Toof
My right foot is bigger than my other one is
Like a reg'lar Zomby Hoof
If I raid your dormitorium
Don't try to remain aloof...

I might snatch you up screamin' through the window all nekkid
An' do it to you on the roof, don't mess with the
ZOMBY WOOF

I am about as evil as a Boogie Man can be!

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

Tellin' you all the Zomby Troof
Here I'm is, the ZOMBY WOOF

[No lyrics]

Terry Bozzio (drums, background vocals)
Davey Moire (vocals)
Andre Lewis (organ, vocals)
Roy Estrada (bass, vocals)
Dave Parlato (bass)
Napoleon Murphy Brock (saxophone, vocals)
Ruth Underwood (synthesizer, marimba)
Donnie Vliet (harmonica)
Louanne Neil (harp)
Ruben Ladron De Guevara (background vocals)
Sharkie Barker (background vocals)

(Instrumental)

Frank Zappa (guitar, vocals, percussion)
Ray Collins (vocals)
Jimmy Carl Black (drums)
Roy Estrada (electric bass)
Don Preston (electric piano)
Billy Mundi (drums)
Bunk Gardner (piccolo, flute, clarinet, bass clarinet, soprano saxophone, alto saxophone, tenor saxophone, bassoon)
Ian Underwood (electric organ, piano, harpsichord, celeste, flute, clarinet, alto saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Arthur Tripp (drums, timpani, vibes, marimba, xylophone, wood blocks, bells, small chimes)
Motorhead Sherwood (tenor saxophone, tambourine)
Ruth Komanoff (marimba, vibes)

Eat your greens
Don't forget your beans & celery
Don't forget to bring
Your fake I.D.
Eat a bunch of these
MAGNIFICIENT
With sauerkraut
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Sauerkraut!
Eat a grape, a fig
A crumpete too ...
You'll pump 'em right through
Doo-wee-ooo

Eat your shoes
Don't forget the strings
And sox
You can eat the box
You bought 'em in
Even eat the truck
That brought 'em in
Garbage truck
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMouldy
Garbage truck
Eat the truck the driver
And his gloves
NUTRITIOUSNESS
DELICIOUSNESS
WORTH-LESS-NESS

Ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh ah-oh-oh-oh oh-oh

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Yow-ooh
Yow-yoo-yow
La-la la-la la-la la-la
Ba-la ba-la na-la

She was the daughter of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
(You-ooh)
Read 'em 'n weep
Was here adjustable slogan
(Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahh)

She was a debutante daisy
With a color-note organ
Deep in the street
She drove a '59 Morgan

WOO-LAH!

That's the kinda step she takes
When her hot breaks hot brakes
That's the kinda sound she makes
(ooh, let go uh me)
When her crab cakes
(Arf arf arf)

She didn't like it when her fan belt
Shrunk & got shorter
(Ointment)
Battery leaks could nearly cost her a quarter

She didn't want to go home
An' watch the pestle go mortar
Later she speaks
On how Perellis might court her

Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo
Na-na-na, na-na-noo
Na-na-na, yah-ah-hoo

She was the daughter
Ah-ah-ahhh
Of a wealthy
Florentine Pogen
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Po-oh-wo-oh-oh
Ga-ya-ee-annnn

Read 'em 'n weep
Read 'em 'n weep
(Take a booger home with you to)
Read 'em 'n weep

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH
Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-HAH

Chester's go-rilla
She go oink
Chester's go-rilla
She go quack
Chester's go-rilla
She go moo
Chester's go-rilla
She go
Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche

Is there anything good inside of you?
If there is, I really wanna know
Is there anything
Good inside of you?
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there anything
Good inside of you?
If there is
I really wanna
Know
Is there?

Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know-woh-oh-oh-oh -
Is there any-thaaaang good inside of you
If there is, I really wanna know, really wanna know . . .

Something
Anything
Something
Anything

Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind
Show me a sign
If you don't mind

Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand
Do you know what I'm really telling you
Is it something that you can understand

Andy de vine (de vine)
Had a thong rind (rind)
It was sublime (sublime)
But the wrong kind
Andy de vine (de vine)
Had a thong rind (rind)
It was sublime (sublime)
But the wrong kind

Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind
Have I aligned
With a blown mind
Wasted my time
On a drawn blind

Oh Andy . . .
Andy
Andy, Andy
Thong rind
It was sublime, y'all know
The wrong kind, yeah-hah-hah-hah!
Our man!

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was it round
And did it have
A motor
Or was it
Something
Different

Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Did a vehicle
Fly along the mountains
And find a place to park itself
Park it
Se-e-e-elf
PARK IT . . . PARK IT

Or did someone
Build a place
To leave a space
For such a thing to land

Did a vehicle
Come from somewhere out there
Did a vehicle come
From somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up the hill

Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Just to land in the Andes?
Was she round
And did she have a motor
Or was she something different

Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen
Guacamole Queen

At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
Or did someone build a place
Or leave a space
for Chester's Thing to land
Chester's Thing . . . on Ruth
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did a booger-bear
Come from somewhere out there
Did the Indians, first on the bill
Carve up her hill
On Ruth
On Ruth
That's Ruth

[No lyrics]

Purple haze
All in my brain
Well lately things they just doesn't seem the same
Oh I actin' funny
And I doesn't know why
Excuse me
While I kiss this guy

Purple haze
All around
Don't know if I goin' up or down
Am I happy or in misery
Whatever is this doll
Put a spell on me

Hit me
Smash me
Listen here!

Purple haze
All in my eyes
Don't know
If it's day or night
You got me goin'
And you blew my mind
Tomorrow
Or just the end of time

Isaac Hayes
Gabby Hayes, well…
Willie Mays
Helen Hayes
Speakin' of Helen…

Well it's gettin' near dark
When the lights be closin' your tired little eyes
I'll soon be with you, my love
And give you that potato-headed surprise

Stay with you darlin'
Soon
I'll stay with you till all o' 'em stars start to fallin'
And fallin'

Ah! I've been waiting so long
(Ayyy! A-ha!)
Oh to be where I'm goin'
(Arriba! Arriba! Ay!)
In the sunshine of your love

Now hold down just a second, there
You leather-faced metal freak
And you potato-headed watchamacallit!
(You talkin' to us now, son?)
Yeah, you bet I'm talkin' to you
I got something to say right here
(Ain't you the man in black?)
(SUCKER!)
Just get yourself ready
It's getting near dark

The light's shinin' through on you…
I'll soon be with you, my love
(Whom love?)
It's the morning and just we two
I'll be with you darling soon
I'll be with ya when the sea's all dried up!
(The seas?)
The seas
(You're talkin' dried up?)
I'll seize ya, buddy…
Oh! Wait a minute here! You shitkicker!

I said
I been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
(Andale! Andale! Anda!)
In the sunshine of your love!

Frank Zappa (guitar, lead vocals)
Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ike Willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby Martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan Zavod (keyboards)
Scott Thunes (bass)
Chad Wackerman (drums)

Let's move to Cleveland
(...)
Let's move to Cleveland
(I've been there)
Let's move to Cleveland

[No lyrics]

Boppa dooayyydoo
Boppa dooayyydoo
Boppa dooayyydoo
Boppa dooayyydoo

No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh
Makes me cry to see you go-o-o-oo-oh
No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh
Makes me cry to see you go-o-o-oo-oh

Left me here to cry alone
With a bottle of juice & a pork chop bone
No no no no no no no-o-o-oo-oh
Makes me cry to see you go-o-o-oo-oh

Gave my money all to you-oo
Took my watch and pawned it too-oo
Two gold teeth and one glass eye
Didn't have the nerve to say goodbye

Boppa dooayyydoo
Boppa dooayyydoo

You treat me funky baby
And some day you'll have to pay
I ain't such a fool that I would let you go
And treat me this way
No no no no no no no-o-o-oh
I ain't going to let you go-o-o-oo-oh
No no no no no no no-o-o-oh
I ain't going to let you go-oh-o-oo-oh

Thank you very much, Mr. Zappa.

Ah, I'm very pleased to be here on behalf of the Administration-- the most powerful government in the world. And, uh, Mr. Fitzwater invited me to come here tonight to create some balance, because there has been some things done by Mr. Zappa that I think are unfair to our country.

I think, from the beginning, to say that this is going to be balanced, when he has this *lingerie* up here, and makin' fun of *children's toys*, as a beginning, if this is what he has in mind, I think he's wrong.

It's people like Mr. Frank Zappa that kept the Senate from being able to send arms to the democratic freedom fighters in Nicaragua! And I, for one, am headin' down there myself, as soon as I finish up here tonight.

And I want the elected official, Mr. Charlie Sanders the Democrat, to remember that "Democrat" begins with a "D", just like DEMON! And we'll remember you, friend, when it comes votin' time. And Margaret Boyd[?] and Carmen Belacord[?], despite ...[?] habit, did some help to back things up.

Friends, these forms cost money. And this money could be going towards a more powerful military; this money could be going towards driving out the illegal aliens. Instead, Mr. Zappa wants to have a bunch of young, uninformed 18 to 21-year-olds votin' here, and spendin' your money.

And I just want you to know that tonight, I *love* him anyway. Because I've got love in my heart, and I'm not afraid of the fact that he turned this into some kind of zoo up here.

Sunday--that's not fair, Mr. Zappa--Sunday night used to be a night in which Americans would get together. They'd go to their place of worship, and they would share. And I don't know why, on this night which is supposed to be Valentine's night, there aren't more people that have a heart that have a love affair with America. But instead, they're here on Sunday night, worshipping this man who's demon-possessed!

I ask you, Mr. Frank Zappa, what kind of man can name a child Moon Unit? What kind of man can name a child Weasel? What kind of man can name a child Ohman? To me, it defies the logic.

And I'm comin' here tonight because I want to share with him, just the same way we're going to give spirit power to the democratic freedom fighters down there, our brothers that wanna have the freedom to be able to have a man like Pat Robertson. To have a man like Mr. Dole. Restore, America!

And I'm gonna ask the power and the joy and the power of the living king of kings, and a lot of you here, you smut-minded, musical people say, "King of kings, that must be Elvis". No, I'm gonna ask for the power and ask for the glory. I'm gonna now, I'm gonna tell you a story. I'm gonna drive out the demons, friends. I'm gonna ask you to help this badness end. Come on Frank, let's have a story. Come on now share the glory. Do you feel the power? Come on, put out the negativity...

[No lyrics]

[No lyrics]

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to Heaven
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooo-oooh
And she's buying a stairway to Heaven

There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
Cause you know sometimes words have
Two meanings
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misleading

Oooh makes me wonder
Oh-ooooh makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking

And oooh makes me wonder
And oh-ooooh makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter

Yes it makes me wonder
And owowowow, no

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May-queen
Yes there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
On and on

Said ooooh makes me wonder
And oh-oh-oh-ooooh makes me wonder

Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady can you hear the wind blow
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind
Say!
Say!

Mother, Mary & Yozuf!

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to know
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The news will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying a stairway to Heaven