Cross Canadian Ragweed Album

Now Amos Moses was a Cajun
He lived by his self in the swamp
He hunted alligator for livin'
He just knocked em' in the head with a stump
Louisiana law gonna get you Amos
It ain't legal huntin' alligators down in the swamp boy
Now everybody blamed his old man For makin' him mean as a snake

When Amos Moses was a boy his daddy'd use him for alligator bait
Tie a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp
Alligator bait in the Louisiana bayou

Chorus
About forty-five minutes south of Thibadoux Louisiana
Lived a cat named Doc Milsap and his pretty wife Hanna
Well they raised up a son that could eat up his weight in groceries
Named him after a man of the cloth
Called him Amos Moses

Everybody in south Louisiana Said Amos was a helluva man
He could trap the biggest and meanest alligator and just use one hand
That's all he got left cause a alligator bit it
Left arm gone clean up to the elbow

Well the sheriff caught wind of Amos
In the swamp trappin alligator skins
That sheriff went lookin for Amos
Boy you know he never come out again
I wonder where the Louisiana sheriff went to
You can sure get lost in the Louisiana bayou

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Check me out in my easy chair
Bottle in my hand
How it ever got to go far I guess I'll never understand
Cause I bend and bend until I break
Then I bend some more
Sometimes I feel like a piece of dirt down on your floor

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I bang my head against the wall
Bang it until it bleeds
To me it makes no difference at all
I got to bang it till I' can't see
Don't know what you think of me
I don't really care
I got to bang my head against the wall cause it's there
I sit and stare at the telephone
Why don't it ring
Once upon a time I thought I knew it all
Turns out I don't know one damn thing
Pick it up and I throw it down
I pick it up again
I'm gonna keep slammin' it to the floor till someone's on the other end

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I don't know why I'm sittin' here
Seems like I used to know
Knew everything I wanted everywhere I needed to go
Friends stop and they smile at me
They say you got it all
But what they don't know what they don't see
Are the holes up and down my hall

(chorus)

Sun comin' up at the break of dawn
I can't shut my eyes
It's like a pile of wire coat hangers inside of my mind
Now I'm down here on the floor
My world spinning around
I get the feeling I ain't ever gonna leave this God forsaken town

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Oh if I were President
I'd make you realize
no more question's no more lies
I'll tell you the truth looking in your eyes
If I were President.

Well first and formost son Jesus Christ is the only one
you're gonna talk to when your day begins
I'm gonna pass the law that says everyday
you gotta get down on your knees and pray
thank a man for dyin for you sins.

If I were president
I'd make you understand
Jesus is the man he's the reason that you stand
If I were president.

We're gonna put the word out on the street
no more Washington D.C.,
I'm gonna make this country big and strong
no more payin up your taxes
the capitol's in Fort Worth, Texas;
thats the only place a house that big belongs

If I were president
Nobody's gonna push us around,
Well nobody's gonna laugh when Jason Volet's my chief of staff
If I were president.

Well Iraqi boys you must be nuts
your diggin yourself deeper in a rut
I got a way to end you problems soon
Well we'll bring home every one of our boys
pull out our biggest baddest toys
and blow you crazy bastards to the moon.

If I were president,
Nobody's gonna push us around
If they threaten us or put us down
we'll burn their country to the ground,
If I were president.

Well talk about you Osama bin Laden
It won't be long till your name's forgotten
America's freedom is always gonna ring
And you know that we wont be satisfied
Till your hatred's dead and your people are fried
Your head's on a pole and your balls in a sling.

If I were president
If I were president
Hey one thing you can't deny
your sorry ass is gonna die
If I was president

Well I got one for you, Saddam Hussein
We'll resurect General John Wayne,
and put together a very simple plan,
we'll put down our 'nukes put down our guns
and you and the Duke 'ul be 1-on-1
and he'll kick your ass if you were a man.

If I were president
If I were president
If you don't like Willie Nelson
you gotta go to prision
If I were president
So cashible and make it me an' if I win the beer's free
If I were president.

Yeah don't you know I'm headed South
I've got two things on my mind
Yeah don't you know I'm headed Southbound
I've got two things on my mind
I need some of that juicy barbeque
and some of the sweet blackberry wine

When I get back to Louisiannie
Lord I think I just might stay
Yeah when I get back to Louisiannie
Lord I think I just might stay
Cause I always get so lonesome
Every time I get away

So you know I'm headed South
I've got two things on my mind
Don't you know I'm headed South
I've got two things on my mind
I need some of the juicy barbeque
And I need some of that sweet blackberry wine

I'm gonna cross that Pontchartrain
On a train, in the rain
Yeah I wanna cross that Pontchartrain
On a train, in the rain
Ain't nothin' more beautiful sweet darlin'
Than that Poncha Tray in the rain

Yeah don't you know I'm headed South
I've got two things on my mind
Yeah don't you know I'm headed Southbound
I've got two things on my mind
I need some of that juicy barbeque
And some of that sweet blackberry wine

I wanna get back to Baton Rouge
Before Winter comes again
I wanna get back to Baton Rouge
Before Winter comes again
I wanna walk down by that river
And cross that muddy river now and then

Yeah don't you know I'm headed South
I've got two things on my mind
Yeah don't you know I'm headed Southbound
I've got two things on my mind
I need some of that juicy barbeque
and some of that sweet blackberry wine

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Gene Collier

Them boys from Oklahoma roll their joints all wrong
They're too damn skinny or way too long
I ain't no holy roller so I just use a bong
Them boys from Oklahoma roll their joints all wrong

Them boys down in Texas got some damn fine weed
They smuggle across the Rio, they use the Mexican breed
That's expointin' cheap labor, but hell that's Texican's creed
Them boys down in Texas got some damn fine weed

Them boys in Arkansas they got some damn fine pot
That's a direct result of all them good seeds they got
Haulin' water up a hill's a chore, but man I tell you what
Them boys from Arkansas they got some damn fine pot

(Chorus)

Them boys up in Kansas, hell all they got is a bunch of schwag
And they'll try to screw you for fifty bucks a quarter bag
I got some in my guitar case and I'm not the type to brag
But it's a damn sight better than that Kansanian schwag

Them boys in Louisiana got trouble growin' their weed
Them alligators is mean, and they eat up all the seeds
But on a bayou night by the light of a full moon
You can walk out and pick you a sack full of 'shrooms

(Chorus)

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World on your shoulders
Lot on your brain
Enough to drive a girl insane
Well I been thinkin bout maybe headin' southbound
Wonder if you'd do the same

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Why don't you roll with me baby down to Nowhere, Texas
I got nothin but time
Jump in the cab of my 70 Chevy
Leave Oklahoma far behind

My good friend told me once Texas is big enough
That a man could get lost
Roll down that window
Open that glove box
Give that road map a toss

Chorus

Dallas to Austin
Please come to Boston
Cause I been playin all night long
Turn off that radio
I'm gonna sing to you sweetly
the words to your favorite song

Chorus

Well we'll keep on drivin till we hit that ocean
We'll get there by the break of day
Maybe I should warn you I never could stay sober
When I'm sittin on that Corpus Christi Bay

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