Chris Moyles Album

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You're a man
Who knows exactly where he's goin
On the road
With all your eighteen wheels a' rollin

You deliver milk or sand
or pigs or paint across the land
That's what you do
What you do, mister

A workin man
You drive a wagon for a livin
Arrive on time
Cos that's important when deliverin'

Bread or bikes or garden chairs
or sheds or beds or dancing bears
That's what you do
What you do, mister

Lorry driver, lorry, lorry driver
You're a lorry driver
Oh, lorry driver, oh
You're a lorry driver, mister

Horn, get out of
Horn Horn, the way
Lorry driver, lorry driver
Lorry driver

Eating sausage rolls and cornish pasties
crisps and jaffa cakes
Drinking coffee and some red bull
on your scheduled tacho breaks

You work away
For several days
Life on the road
You're a lorry driver

Live behind the wheel
You drive from Devon up to Aberdeen
Pull off at the services
for diesel and nuts magazine

You read the Sun
And have a saggy bum
Everyone can tell
You're a lorry driver

Trucker man
You crunch the miles to make a dollar
It's just a shame
You've got the body of Rik Waller

You should be on Slimfast
you spend your life sat on your ass
But that's the way it is
The way it is mister

Off you go
You've had a kip and had your dinner
And hung up your
New centrefold of Lucy Pinder

You're the greatest driver
fuelled by Yorkie bars and Tizer
That's the way you roll
The way you roll mister


Lorry driver, lorry, lorry driver
You're a lorry driver
Oh, lorry driver, oh
You're a lorry driver, mister

Horn, get out of
Horn Horn, the way
Lorry driver, lorry driver
Lorry driver

Eating sausage rolls and cornish pasties
crisps and jaffa cakes
Drinking coffee and some Red Bull
on your scheduled tacho breaks

You work away
For several days
Life on the road
You're a lorry driver

Live behind the wheel
You drive from Devon up to Aberdeen
Pull off at the services
for diesel and Nuts Magazine

You read the Sun
And have a saggy bum
Everyone can tell
You're a Lorry Driver

Maybe if I didn't drive a truck for my work
My wife would look like Jordan rather than Pauline Quirke
And she does a bit, a little bit

Lorry driver, lorry, lorry driver
You're a lorry driver
Oh, lorry driver, oh
You're a lorry driver, mister

Horn, get out of
Horn Horn, the way
Lorry driver, lorry driver
Lorry driver

Eating sausage rolls and cornish pasties
crisps and jaffa cakes
Drinking coffee and some Red Bull
on your scheduled tacho breaks

You work away
For several days
Life on the road
You're a lorry driver

Live behind the wheel
You drive from Devon up to Aberdeen
Pull off at the services
for diesel and Nuts Magazine

You read the Sun
And have a saggy bum
Everyone can tell
You're a Lorry Driver

Eating sausage rolls and cornish pasties
crisps and jaffa cakes
Drinking coffee and some Red Bull
on your scheduled tacho breaks

Lorry driver, lorry, lorry driver
You're a lorry driver
Oh, lorry driver, oh
You're a lorry driver, mister

The End

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(originall 'L.S.F. (Lost Souls Forever)' by Kasabian)

(Ta ta ta)

I'm on it, get on it, the troops are on fire,
Ba- rack O-, ba- ma Ba-, rack O- ba- ma Ba-rack,
you know I need it, much closer, I'm treading just a little more,
O- ba- ma Ba- rack, O- ba-ma, Ba- rack-O- ba- ma Ba-rack O-,
step on it, 'lectronic, the troops are on fire,
ba- ma Ba-, rack-O-ba-, ma Ba- rack O- ba-ma,
I'm much deeper, asleep'er, waiting for the final trip.
Ba- rack O-ba-, ma-Ba-rack, O-ba- ma Ba- rack-O- ba-.

Come on it, get on it, I'm carving through a letter bomb,
ma Ba- rack, O- ba- ma, Ba- rack-O- ba- ma Ba-rack O-,
I need it, la potions, these drugs are just an hour away,
ba- ma Ba-, rack O-ba-, ma Ba- rack O- ba- ma Ba-rack,
come on it, 'lectronic, a polyphonic prostitute,
O- ba- ma, Ba-rack-O-, ba- ma-Ba-rack-O- ba-ma-Ba-,
the mourners on fire, Messiah for the animals.
rack O-ba- ma Ba-rack, O-ba-ma Ba- rack O-ba-ma.

I, oh come on, we've got our backs to the wall,
(oh) get on, and watch out, said, you're gonna kill us all.

(first verse - except (oh) at start and last line: replace 'waiting for the final trip' with 'Messiah for the animals')

I, oh come on, said, we've got our backs to the wall,
get on, and watch out, (oh) before you kill us all.

(repeat)

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Ohhhh... I hear a rumble in my tummy,
My cravings are really not funny,
I check to see if I have money,
Kebab and some sauce that is runny,
Don't think I can carry on further,
I'm needing a coke and a burger,
For fries I've become a goat herder,
Gerdy Gerdy ah...

La-ah-ah, la la lalala la,
Ah-ah-ah, ah ah, la la lalala la,
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet

Ohhh... My clothes that look longer do fit me,
Because I'm becoming a fatty,
I tell my wide waist to line burgins,
I'm looking like Christopher Biggins,
Need to get me some exercise,
Stop dreaming lots about large fries,
Get in the gym and start running,
To burn some more calories...

La-ah-ah, la la lalala la,
Ah-ah-ah, ah ah, la la lalala la,
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet

And if you really can't see your feet,
Then you've got to stop munching on
meeeeeeeeeeeeeeat-tah!!!

Ohhh.. don't think I can carry on further,
I'm needing a coke and a burger,
For fries I become a goat herder,
Gerdy Gerdy ah...

(Bloated)
La-ah-ah, la la lalala la,
La-la-la, ah ah, lalala
laaaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet

I like burgers and I like fries,
But they have to be supersize!
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet
I Predict A Diet

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(Chris)
Step away from the hutch, put the bunny down...before
he put you down,
y'see what I did there...*cough* yeah yeah,

Dogs don't kill people, (all together) rabbits do!!
The truth is out there so we're here to tell you,
Don't be fooled by this cute little bunny, cos when
he's huge you won't think he's funny,
Hopping around in the little cartoon, you'll be nearer
to death than those guys in Cocoon,
You never had a dream as bad as this, like a rabbit in
a mood with a really big gun,
These are not some nuns in habits, these are scary gun
toting rabbits,
Flopsy Mopsy - don't be fooled, cos these are the
animals of the fluffy underworld,
Don't turn out that light at night, cos bunny here's
gonna give you a fright,
So if you find yourself covered in claret, look for
the bunny with the smoky carrot...

(chorus - all together)
Dogs don't kill people, rabbits do,
Summon Elma Fudd, woo woo woo!!
Dogs don't kill people, rabbits do,
Summon Elma Fudd, woo woo woo!!

(Dom)
Dogs don't kill people, (all together) rabbits do!!
I lived in a forest so I know dat it's true,
They'll turn your momma into mincemeat, and then
they'll turn your horse into glue,
So don't go laughing at this silly little rhyme, cos
rabbit's do the killing but they don't do the time,
If I could I'd be top of my class, and I'd take that
rabbit and pop a cap in his ass,
The truth is out, the rabbit is risen,
But these dam rabbits don't ever go to prison,
Bugs Bunny RIP, even Roger Rabbit's in the cemetery...

(chorus - all together)
Dogs don't kill people, rabbits do,
Summon Elma Fudd, woo woo woo!!
Dogs don't kill people, rabbits do,
Summon Elma Fudd, woo woo woo!!

(Dave)
Dogs don't kill people, (all together) rabbits do!!
I look like a rabbit but I wouldn't kill you,
They've got big teeth and they don't do dental, cos
most of these rabbits are absolutely mental,
Here's a story - you better listen,
Cos after you heard it, you won't be dissin',
Had a friend who ended up wacked, got sent up to
heaven and the rabbit even packed,
So if you see a big eared bunny, toting a gun and
thinking he's funny,
Get out of his way or else you just might kick it, on
the way to God with a one way ticket,
Don't need armour, don't need no tanks,
Just a rabbit with a pistol, down his pants,
These rabbits everywhere in the park or the street,
Rabbits everywhere that you hope you don't meet,
Look at the man, they think they're so cool,
Cruising down the road with their ho's and their
honeys,
Don't forget this silly little song,
(him and Chris) Dogs don't kill people, it's just
bunnies!!

(chorus - all together)
Dogs don't kill people, rabbits do,
Summon Elma Fudd, woo woo woo!!
Dogs don't kill people, rabbits do,
Summon Elma Fudd, woo woo woo!!

Dogs!!....Rabbits!!
Dogs!!....Rabbits!!
Dogs!!....Rabbits!!
Dogs!!....Rabbits!!

(fades)

I got two pale hands and I got a knife and fork,
I've had enough of meat don't want any pork.
Feelings in my tummy sending signals to my brain,
I'm craving for another plate of fish again.
I'm walking down to my local shop,
There's nothing in my way to make me stop.
They too hunger like me,
They too hunger for the fish in the sea.

Listening to the radio and turning up the bass,
God that fishy smell it puts a smile on my face.
I know that when I tell you that you'll think I'm a headcase,
What about my weakness I'm totally addicted to plaice.

Fishy Wishy
Totally addicted to plaice,
Fishy Wishy

Fishy Wishy
Fishy Wishy

I know that you might think it's odd,
I can't sleep till I've had my cod.
And when it comes to my fish it really doesn't matter,
As long as it is cooked in deep fried batter.
I should be doing time,
But the taste of the fish to me is divine.
In my mind I'm not craving gammon,
But you will see me smile when I see salmon.

Standing in the queue and the fish are looking yummy,
Can't wait to have that haddock swimming in my tummy.
Surrounded by so many and they're staring at my face,
They're picking up my problem, I'm totally addicted to plaice.

Fishy Wishy
Totally addicted to plaice,
Fishy Wishy

Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, Fishy Wishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, it's tacky but it rhymes
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, Fishy Fishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, it's tacky but it rhymes

Someone's at my window looking right at me,
I'm hoping it's a fishy I can eat for free.
Suddenly I realise and I think that I am wrong,
I haven't had a fishy now for so long.
I'm going down to the sea below,
And all the little fishys are putting on a show.
The goldfish are dressed up to the nines,
The thought of eating goldfish is so fine.

Suddenly I'm back and I am standing in the chippy,
The fella who was serving me is getting very lippy.
My hunger's getting desperate so I smack him in the face,
Don't even try to stop me I'm totally addicted to plaice.

Fishy Wishy
Everyone's addicted to plaice
Fishy Fishy

Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, Fishy Fishy
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, (Fishy Fishy) it's tacky but it rhymes
Your 'bass'line is shooting up my spine, Fishy Fishy

Look at me baby, I'm a sex machine,
I may look really dirty, but I keep my undies clean,
Hardly knew I'd been around for years,
But I still go out drinking beers,
Now don't you dare laugh cause you think I'm old,
I spank the ladies' bottoms cause I'm very very bold,
My ass is getting flabby, but I ain't gonna worry,
Cause baby I go news for you.

(Chorus)
Big bum, big bum, I've a big bum,
I may be pushing 60 but I still turn ladies on,
Big bum, Big bum, I've a big bum,
It's tight, it's firm, it's Number 1.

Now don't get me wrong, ain't gonna do you no harm,
Put your hands on my ass cheeks and my bum will keep you warm,
It's big, it's hot, it's like a radiator,
Baby check me out cause I'm a sexy alligator,
Ladies out there, listening to me,
I've had a sexy bottom since the age of 23,
And yes I must react to claims that my -
Ass was put together in a factory in Dubai

(Chorus x 2)

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