Barenaked Ladies Album

Don't call me a zero
I'm gonna be a hero
Like Phil Esposito or the Kennedys

I'll be incorporated
And I'll be imitated
And overrated, but that doesn't bother me

All the jaws will drop
And all the girls will scream
And there will be commotion when I show up on the scene

All that you will see is a celebrity (x2)

When I'm riding in my limo
I won't look out the window
Might make me homesick for humanity

There's nowhere that I can't go
And there's nobody I don't know
And there's an emptiness that's eating me

All the clocks will stop
And all the jeans will cream
It has always been my one and only dream

All that's left of me is my celebrity (x2)

Leave your heart
Lay down your art
You're here for the party
Smile and wave
Try to behave
Be happy that they've made you a celebrity

I could disappear into the great unknown
And it would wear my face as if it were its own

And all that you will see is a celebrity
All that's left of me is my celebrity
I will get in first and I will get in free

CHORUS (x2):
What's so maybe about
What's so maybe about
What's so maybe about Katie?

What's the use in hesitating?
Can't you see that Katie's waiting?
Just because her youth is fading
Doesn't mean that she's not worth dating

CHORUS (x2)

I don't know what the fuss is all about
Just take it slow
It's not like you can't live without her
To and fro
If you've got a shred of doubt then it's not worth it

CHORUS (x2)

Can't you see her with her arms wide open
She's everything that you've been hoping for
Forever's not so long, stop moping
She's got a daughter and you're just not coping.

Do you know everyone you ever swore you'd love for life
I don't know them anymore
I know their names
I'd recognize them on the street and I don't love them

You can't imagine so many monkeys in the daily mail
All of them coming anonymously so they leave no trail
I never thought I'd have an admirer from overseas
But someone is sending me stationary filled with chimpanzees.

Some chimps in swimsuits, some chimps are swinging from a vine
Some chimps in jackboots, some chimps that wish they could be mine.
Starsky and Hutch chimps, a chimp who's sitting on the can
A pair of Dutch chimps who send their love from Amsterdam.

CHORUS (x2):
Another postcard with chimpanzees
And every one is addressed to me.

If I had to guess, I'd say the monkey-sender thinks it's great
He's sending me, maybe she's sending me just to see me get irate
I'm losing sleep - and it's gonna be keeping me up all night
I thought it was funny, but now I've got money on a monkey fight.

Some chimps in hard hats, chimps a-working on a chain gang
Some chimps who love cats, burning rubber in a Mustang
A birthday-wishing chimp, a chimp in black like a goth
A goin' fishin' chimp, a British chimp in the bath.

CHORUS (x2)

Somehow they followed me even though I packed and moved my home
No matter what, they come and they come they won't leave me alone
Another monkey in the mail could make me lose my mind
But look at me shuffling through the stack until I finally find

Some chimps in swimsuits
Some chimps in Jackboots
Some chimps in hard hats
Some chimps who love cats
I've got some shaved chimps; that's chimps devoid of any hair
I've got depraved chimps dressed up in women's underwear.

Another postcard with chimpanzees
And every one is addressed to me.
Every one is, every one is, every one is addressed to me.
Every one is, every one is, every one is addressed to me.

CHORUS (x4)

Some chimps in swimsuits, Some chimps in Jackboots
Some chimps in hard hats, Some chimps who love cats
I've got some shaved chimps; that's chimps devoid of any hair
I've got depraved chimps dressed up in women's underwear.
Starsky and Hutch chimps, a chimp who's sitting on the can
A pair of Dutch chimps who send their love from Amsterdam.
Some chimps in Mustangs, Some chimps in chain gangs

CHORUS (x2):
You can always get it right next time, next time
You can always get it right next time

You can count on me to mess it up
You can count on me to let you down again
And in time you'll see that I'm your only friend

CHORUS (x2)

Comfort in community obliterated
Given opportunity I hesitated
Even my humility's humiliated

CHORUS (x2)

Next time, next time

When you die they make a list of every love you never kissed
Of each regret and each mistake
Every choice you'll fail to make
Oh well...
Oh well...
Oh well...

It's a shame I have to wait until the ending
Everything I've yet to break is surely bending
Every vow I ever take is just pretending
That this mess I make is worth defending

I have set aside everything I love
I have saved everything else for you
I cannot decide what this doubt's made of
Though I thought over it through and through

In a book in a box high upon a shelf
In a locked and guarded vault
Are the things I keep only for myself
It's your fate but it's not your fault

CHORUS:
And for every useless reason I know
There's a reason not to care
If I hide myself wherever I go
Am I ever really there?

There is nowhere else I would rather be,
but I can't just be right here
An enigma wrapped in a mystery,
or a fool consumed by fear

CHORUS

I will give you all I could ever give
Though it's less than you will need
Could you just forget, if you can't forgive
All the things I cannot concede

CHORUS:
Well you know that it's going to be alright
I think it's gonna be alright
Everything will always be alright
When we go shopping

Well you know that it's going to be alright
When we go shopping
It's always lalalalala...
Shopping spree begin
It's always lalalalala...
Everybody wins

So shutup
And never stop
Let's shop
Until we drop

CHORUS

It's always lalalalala...
Shopping never end
It's always lalalalala...
Shopping with our friends
Shopping once again

It's always lalalalala... (x4)

It's never enough
Until you've got all the stuff
When the going gets rough
Just shop with somebody tough

CHORUS (x2)

It's always...
When we go shopping (x3)

Maybe it would be fun
To get a new opinion
Get a little work done
And forget

Maybe it would be cool
If I rocked it old school
Try to break a gold rule
And a sweat

Better than the first time
Better than the worst time
If I could just reverse time
I'd be set

CHORUS:
Testing 1,2,3
Can anybody hear me?
If I shed the irony
Would anybody cheer me?
If I acted less like me
Would I be in the clear?

She got a new apartment
It's out on the escarpment
And in her glove compartment
Are my songs

She hasn't even heard them
Since she found out what the words meant
She decided she preferred them
All wrong

Kind of like the last time
With a bunch of really fast times
If we're living in the past time
Soon gone

CHORUS

We recognize the present
Is half as pleasant
As our nostalgia for

The past'll be presented
Recast and reinvented
Until it's how we meant it

CHORUS

He's everything that you need
You wiped out on your ten speed
And either he will succeed
Or just suck

CHORUS

Begin the...

CHORUS
Would I be in the clear, G?

Testing 1,2,3

I'm not surprised it's come to this
Sooner or later there must be another's kiss
Behind that kiss a promise of a life of bliss
Yeah, great
I won't be takin' the bait
I'd rather drown
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

Imagine everything you've done
Under a microscope on view for everyone
And if the King of Circumspection's here
He's come in vain
I won't be sharing the blame
I wear the crown
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

Nothing's good enough for me
To shake me from complacency
I make my mind up and I'll never be

The kind of man who'd make a choice
For if I hold my tongue I'll never lose my voice
If each attempted act of sabotage destroys all hope
I won't be needing a rope
I'm gagged and bound
And I will not turn my whole life upside down

And if the genie were set free
And by the laws of things like that, he's indebted to me
I'd bury my three wishes
deep down in the ground
So I will not turn my whole life upside down

Though I appreciate the aim
Tell Andy Warhol's ghost that he can keep his fame
I'd only use it to make everything the same again
So don't applaud till the end
I'm not around
Cause I will not turn my whole life upside down

Nothing's good enough for me
To shake me from complacency
I've made my mind up
I won't make a sound

She likes to sleep with the radio on
So she can dream of her favorite song
The one that no one has ever sung since she was small

She'll never know that she made it up
She had a soul and we ate it up
Thrown away like a paper cup
The music falls

The only flaw in her detailed plan
Is where she wins back the love of her man
Everyone knows that he's never coming back

He took her heart and she took his name
He couldn't stand taking all the blame
He left her only with guilt and shame and then she cracked

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

In the dream I refuse to have
She falls asleep in a lukewarm bath
We're left to deal with the aftermath again

On behalf of humanity
I will fight for your sanity
How profound such profanity can be

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be

Near where I live there's a viaduct
Where people jump when they're out of luck
Raining down on the cars and trucks below

They've put a net there to catch their fall
Like it'll stop anyone at all
What they don't know is when nature calls, you go

They say that Jesus and mental health
Are just for those who can help themselves
But what good is that when you live in hell on earth?

From the very fear that makes you want to die
Is just the same as what keeps you alive
It's way more trouble than some suicide is worth

Won't it be dull when we rid ourselves
Of all these demons haunting us
To keep us company

Won't it be odd to be happy like we
Always thought we're supposed to feel
But never seem to be

Hard to admit I fought the war on drugs
My hands were tied and the phone was bugged

How, in every visible way, you shine
As if the stars in your wake align
Almost impossible to malign

But just below where you shine, you burn
Although I know it, I never learn
Just goes to show that I can't discern

CHORUS:
Aluminum to me
Aluminium to some
You can shine like silver all you want
But you're just Aluminum

Illuminating just what you want to show
You'd never rust, but I'd never know
You can't be trusted, I can't let go

CHORUS

Every time you're here, I forget
When you leave, you leave only regret
Every time you're here, I forget
Everything

You're so lightweight, how can you survive?
Recycling moments from others' lives
You're not as precious as you contrive

CHORUS

I left a tip, but it was never a donation
I took a trip, but it was never a vacation
I took a seat, but I refuse to a number
And so defeated, I proceeded unencumbered

REFRAIN:
I'd say an ounce of prevention
Is worth a pound of attention span

I took her hand, but it was not in matrimony
I told my side, but it was never testimony

REFRAIN

Spanning all the ages
Turning all the pages
The history of me is incomplete

CHORUS:
Everything is Un-
Everything is Unfin-
Everything is Unfinished

I played along, but it was not for recreation
I left my home, but it was not evacuation
I made a pact that I would finish what I started
I admit the fact I was distracted and outsmarted

REFRAIN
CHORUS x3 (3rd time over refrain's music)

Everything's a lie
We're all gonna die
Before we say goodbye, let's attack

I admit it's bleak
But I give it a week
Until our friends the meek give it back

Is it true? Well it's true enough I guess
Join the chorus of the second best

Second best (several times)

What's left of you that's real
A mutated ideal
With limited appeal, I suggest

If hitting is an art
Then it's drawn us apart
When you erased your heart and beat your chest

Is it you? Well it's you enough I guess
You're an angel in a see-through dress
Is it true, yes it's true enough I guess

Second best (Several times)

Perhaps it's just as well
That I still look like hell
At least the world can tell us apart

Is it true? Yes it's true enough I guess
Come join the chorus of the unimpressed
Is it true, yes it's true enough I guess
Sometimes it's better to be second best

Oh, I - I watch it all go down
Closed eyes - pretend noone's around
So I - I chose to play the clown
Or blow by and never make a sound

CHORUS:
Any other guy would wanna take it outside
But I'd never even try - who wants to get their lights knocked out?
Any other guy would wanna stir it up some,
But I'd rather say goodbye

Turn 'round - say it to my face
No sound - Everything's a race
Lose ground - lost in your embrace
Leave town - never leave a trace

CHORUS

Hardly know what anything's for
Just for show, I'm slamming the door
Even so, my heart and my head are an open book

CHORUS x2

CHORUS:
Have you seen my love?
Have you seen my love?
Have you seen my little girl?
Oh, have you seen my love?

All that I want is to be your friend,
Cause you're the only friend I've ever known
All I need is our love, we agreed
That the two of us wouldn't be alone

In these faded old photographs, you can see how we smiled
I became a man in your arms, now I'm helpless as a child

CHORUS

There is a dream that we both used to share
And we swore we would never wake
Now the dream's a nightmare, and the truth to be fair
Is that dreaming was the first mistake

Though we share the same memories, and I swear that's her face
Did you bury the woman I love, and fall asleep in her space?