Barenaked Ladies Album

I'm Steve, and I'm Ed,
And we're Barenaked Ladies

You're on a highway and roadrunner goes "Beep, beep"
Just step aside or you might end up in a heap
Roadrunner roadrunner runs on the road all day
Even the coyote can't make him change his ways

Roadrunner, that coyote's after you
Roadrunner, if he catches you, you're through

That coyote's really a crazy clown
When will he learn that he never can hold you down?
Roadrunner roadrunner never bothers anyone
Runnin' down the road is his idea of havin' fun

Roadrunner, that coyote's after you
Roadrunner, if he catches you, you're through

Roadrunner, that coyote's after you
Roadrunner, if he catches you, you're through
If he catches you, you're through

My Lilac Girl, oh

Only you can turn my eloquence to banality
Only you can make importancies into trivialities
Only you can cure dismality
Only you can make me swoon

My lilac girl, oh
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl oh ooh oh
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl

She brushes her hair
She climbs down the stairs
Suddenly she's aware that she's beautiful
She looks so delicious
As she's washing the dishes
Suddenly she wishes just like all the fishes in the sea
That she was with me
She was with me, oh ooh oh

La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl oh ooh oh
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Well I may lie like a rug
But I mean when I say that I wanna lie down next to you
I may lie like a rug
But I mean when I say it's a lilac girl

Only you can turn my eloquence to banality
Only you can make importancies into trivialities
Only you can cure dismality
Only you can make me swoon

My lilac girl, oh ooh oh
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la lilac girl oh ooh oh
(Only you can make me swoon)

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

You know he's not the kind of man who likes to see the world around him
Crumble to a ball around his feet.
So he's always ready, he's always set, he's always well prepared,
he's the most peculiar man you'll ever meet.

Chorus 
You know he's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He's not the Tom Jones that lives next door.
He's not the king of Bedside Manor.
He hardly even lives there anymore.

He says excuse me, I hope you don't mind
that I followed you into this shop
but I couldn't help but notice that riding crop.
Sticking out of your haversack, um,
I wouldn't mind riding you bareback.
He's subtle on the dancefloor and he's suave around the bar.
He's a quickdraw with a lighter, he's a pseudo movie star.
You know he was quite a singer, quite an actor
quite some time ago.
He had quite a famous program, late night bedtime tv show.

Chorus 

Well he opens up the curtains at the crack of dawn
just to see the lovely ladies who have come and gone.
From the house next door to his house on the lane
He consoles himself that he's got his health and he knows he can't complain.

Chorus 

He's not the King of Bedside Manor
He's not the King of Bedside Manor
Hardly even lives there anymore.

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto

Tracy doesn't live with her dad and all is well
She's upset and I want to lick the honey from her navel
She's upset and I want to lick the honey

And that's the trouble with Tracy
She never seems to do what she is told
With Tracy
Things aren't always under control

Your breasts are like a pomegranate split open
I said and I knew that I loved you
I said it and I knew that I loved you

And that's the trouble with Tracy
She never seems to do what she is told
With Tracy
Things aren't always under control

Yeah with Tracy
She never seems to do what she is told
With Tracy
Things aren't always under control

Tracy is awake and her face said words
She is in love and admits it heartily
She's in love and admits it heartily to herself
To herself only

And that's the trouble with Tracy
She never seems to do what she is told
With Tracy
Things aren't always under control

Yeah with Tracy
She never seems to do what she is told
With Tracy
Things aren't always under control

That's the trouble with Tracy
She never seems to do what she is told
With Tracy
Things aren't always under control
With Tracy (Yeah with Tracy)
She never seems to do what she is told (Yeah with Tracy)
With Tracy (Yeah with Tracy)

Words by Steven Page & Ed Robertson
Music by Jim Creeggan, Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

You and I have been through this before
I owe you my whole life, nothing more
I never said that I liked you the most
You're my father, I'm your son, who's the Holy Ghost?
Where does the time go when it's not around here?
Here we stand at the edge of the drive
I'm just waiting for my ride to arrive
I wait to see if you've any last words
We pulled away, I called your name, I don't think you heard

Where does the time go when it's not around here?
I don't know
Where does the time go when it's not around here?

You and I never shared all that much
When I leave, I'll be all right, I'll keep in touch
As your road narrows, so mine grows wider
As I leave I turn and wave to the Great Provider

Where does the time go when it's not around here?
I don't know

At night I like to photograph, producing camera images
And I don't have a flash
But my little notebook records the subjects at hand

In photo one, a flower
Photo two is a drunk and naked girl
In photo three is my dog in the backyard
Each frame captures the various subtleties of black
Each frame captures the various subtleties of black
Subtleties of black
Subtleties of black

In photo one, a flower
Photo two is a drunk and naked girl
In photo three is my dog in the backyard
Each frame captures the various subtleties of black
Each frame captures the various subtleties of black
Subtleties of black
Subtleties of black

At night I like to photograph, producing camera images
And I don't have a flash
But my little notebook records the subjects at hand
(yeeeaaaaaa haaaaaa!)

In photo one, a flower
Photo two is a drunk and naked girl
In photo three is my dog in the backyard
Each frame captures the various subtleties of black
Each frame captures the various subtleties of black
Subtleties of black

Please don't go rushing by
Stay and make my heart fly
Please don't go rushing by
Stay and make my heart fly

I never seem to know the time
When you're with me
You can tell it to the birds
I'll tell the bees

Please don't go rushing by
Stay and make my heart fly

I can't do anymore
To get inside your door
I can't do anymore
Please let me inside your door

I never seem to know the time
When you're with me
You can tell it to the birds
I'll tell the bees

Please don't go rushing by
Stay and make my heart fly
Stay and make my heart fly

I'm well aware there's a bit of a problem

Where is this thing that I call heaven?
What is it doing here on earth?
Who is this holding my umbrella?
Who is this looking up your skirt?

You always wear it with a sense of style
I like to wear it with a smirk
You make me wait for just a little while
I open up my mouth and yell

I'm home, you're home, I'm all alone
Why can't I call you on the phone?
I really don't know
I'm home, you're home, we’re all alone
Why can't I call you on the phone?

You always wear it with a sense of style
I like to wear it with a skirt
I'll be ok in just a little while
And I open my big mouth and yell

Did you laugh? Did you cry?
Did you say my name with a bit of a sigh?
I really don't know
Did you laugh? Did you cry?
Did you say my name with a bit of a sigh?

Take off, to the great white north
Take off, it's a beauty way to go
Take off, to the great white north
Take off, it's a beauty way to go
(Bob & Doug loon calls)

Where is this thing that I call heaven?
Did you laugh at that?

What is it doing here on earth?
Did you cry?
Who is this holding my umbrella?
Did you say my name with a sigh?

Words & Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

if there's someone you can live without, then do so.
And if there's someone you can just shove out, do so.

Chorus 
You can be my Yoko Ono
You can follow me wherever I go
Be my, be my, be my Yoko Ono.

isn't it beautiful to see two people so much in love?
Barenaked as two virgins hand in hand and hand and hand in glove.
Now that I'm far away it doesn't seem to me to be such a pain.
To have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain.

Chorus 

Oh no, here we go, our life is just one big pun.
Oh no, here we go as Yoko sings
Aieee!

I know that when I say this
I may be stepping on pins and needles.
But I don't like all these people
slagging her for breaking up the Beatles.
(Don't blame it on Yokey!)
if I was John and you were Yoko,
I would gladly give up musical genius,
just to have you as my very own, personal Venus.
(Hit it!)

I can't seem to face up to the facts
I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax
I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire
Don't touch me I'm a real live wire

Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run away
Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away

You start a conversation you can't even finish it.
You're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything.
When I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed.
Say something once, why say it again?

Psycho Killer,
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run away
Psycho Killer
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run away

Ce que j'ai fais, ce soir la
Ce qu'elle a dit, ce soir la
Realisant mon espoir
Je me lance, vers la gloire ... okay
We are vain and we are blind
I hate people when they're not polite

Psycho Killer,
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run away
Psycho Killer,
Qu'est-ce que c'est
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run away

Stop with your messin around
You'd better think of your future
It's time you straighten right out
Creating problems in town

Ru-deee
A message to you, Ru-deee
A message to you, Ru-deee
A message to you, Ru-deee

Stop with your messin around
You'd better think of your future
It's time you straighten right out
Or else you'll wind up in jail

Ru-deee
A message to you, Ru-deee
A message to you, Ru-deee
A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee (oh, that's right, that's right, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee (stop with your messin around)
A message to you, Ru-deee (you'd better think of your future)
A message to you, Ru-deee (it's time you straighten right out)
A message to you, Ru-deee (creating problems in town, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee (that's right, that's right)
A message to you, Ru-deee

Ha ha ha ha ha! I had to do the stupid laugh at the end, didn't I?

Words and Music by Steven Page & Ed Robertson 

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love.

If I Had $1000000 I'd build a tree fort in our yard.
If I Had $1000000 You could help, it wouldn't be that hard.
If I Had $1000000 Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there.
[Wouldn't that be fabulous]

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you an exotic pet (Like a llama or an emu)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (All them crazy elephant bones)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I Had $1000000 We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I Had $1000000 We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner.
(But we would!) 

If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I Had $1000000 (If I Had $1000000)
I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?!)
If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000
If I Had $1000000, If I Had $1000000

Kissing like a bandit stealing time
Underneath the sycamore tree
Cupid by the hour sends valentines
To my sweet lover and me

Slowly, surely
Yours appetite is more than I knew

Slowly, softly
I'm falling in love with you

Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell
A wishing well of butterfly tears (come on)

Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell
A wishing well of crocodile tears (hey)

Hugging like a monkey see monkey do
Right beside a riverboat gambler
Erotic images float through my head
Said I wanna be, I wanna be your midnight rambler

Slowly, maybe kinda quickly
The blood races through my veins

Quickly, loudly
I wanna hear those sugar bells ring

Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell
A wishing well of butterfly tears (come on!)
Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell
A wishing well of butterfly tears (oh baby!)

(Wishing well)

Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell
(Wishing well )
A wishing well of butterfly tears
(Wishing well)
Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell
(Wishing well)
A wishing well of crocodile tears
(WisHing well)
Wish me love a wishing well

(Wishing well.)

Wish me love a wishing well to kiss and tell
(Wishing well)
A wishing well of butterfly tears

I guess I lied to you when I told you I like baseball
It's not so much the game I like, it's the hats

Ed, Do you see this black band 'round my neck? (oohh yeah)
It's not just fashion (oh really?)
Hartz made it to protect me from ticks, fleas, and gnats
I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse?
I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five-Alive juice?
I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert?
I couldn't care less, where does Barney Rubble work?

Well Shaggy said to Velma, "Hey now, Velma, how ya doin'?"
And Velma said, "Geesh, Shag, I'm just fine."

And Daphne said to Fred, "Hey let's get drunk down in the forest."
And all night Fred was yackin' up red wine

I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool?
I couldn't care less, are the sweat hogs still in school?
I couldn't care less, how do they fill the caramel bar?
I couldn't care less, if my car says the door is ajar?
Well I wish I had a nickname like Crusher, Snake, or Kenneth
'Cause guys with nicknames always get the gals
When I grow up I'll name my children Alice, Albert, and Alfred (really cool
names)
I'll call them for supper like this: "Dinner's ready, Als!"

I couldn't care less, what Morton Downey says?
I couldn't care less, what's on the head of my Pez?
I couldn't care less, do zoodles need a trained zookeeper?
I couldn't care less, why's the Super Big Gulp cheaper?

I couldn't care less, what's in a chocolate mousse? (ground-up antlers)
I couldn't care less, what are the five fruits in Five-Alive juice?
(apples, cheese, broccoli...)
I couldn't care less, how old are Ernie and Bert? (they're like four or
something..)
I couldn't care less, where does Barney Rubble work? (nobody knows!)

I couldn't care less, why was Fonzie cool?