The Airborne Toxic Event Album

Standing on a bus stop
Feeling your head pop
Out in the night
In the kind of night
Where you want to be out
On the street, on the street
Crawling up the walls
Like a cat in heat

And the air is thin
And it blows through your skin
And you feel like something
Is about to begin
But you don't know what
And you don't know when
So you tear at your hair
And you scratch at your skin

You wanna run away, run away
Just get on the fucking train and leave today
And it doesn't matter where you spend the night
You just might end up somewhere in a fight, in a fight
Or calling your room on a concrete shelf
Fighting all alone, with yourself, with yourself
And you just wanna feel like a coin that's been tossed
In a wishing well, a wishing well
A wishing well, a wishing well
Well you're tossed in the air
And you fell and you fell
Through the dark blue waters
Where you cast your spell
Like you were just a wish that could turn out well

So you stand on the corner
Where the angels sit
And you think to yourself,
"This is it, this is it
This is all that I have
All I can stand
Is this air in my lungs
And this coin in my hand"
That you tossed in the air
And I fell, and I fell
All the way to the bottom
Of the well, of the well
Like those soft little secrets
That you tell, that you tell
To yourself, when you think
No one's listening to, well

And the walls spin
And you're paper-thin
From the haze of the smoke
And the mess calling
The threat of your brow
Under unmade sheets
In your ear with the noise
From the darkest streets
We ran far and wide
You screamed, you cried
You thought suicide was an alibi
But you were always a mess
You were always aloof
Yeah, it's awful, I guess
But it's the awful truth
It was truth from the first
To the last words that she read

And she emerged from the dark
Like a ghost in my head
She said, "I haven't forgot
Any words that you said
I just stare at the clocks
And I cry in my sleep
And I tear up your letters
And I burn them in heaps
And I gather the ashes
In that hole in the ground
Where we fell"

All dressed up, no place to run
No car, no girl, no pills, no fun
Nothing to do in this empty room
I gotta get my head together soon

Alone again, no fans, no friends
You call me up at half past ten
And say "How are you holding up my friend?
Are you sitting around getting drunk again?"

And I hear the desperation of those lines
Wasted hours, all this wasted time
Yeah, I been just fine!

And you're at my door in an hour more
I stumble down from the second floor
And we're swaying and braying
We don't know what we're saying

And you grab my shirt, your way so curt
I swear to God that this doesn't hurt
When you stare like that, you put on that act
You'll say something and then you take it back

And I feel as though I've done something wrong
Oh, how I miss you and your gun

And I wish I had the guts to scream
You know, things aren't always what they seem
When you walk away, I want you to stay
Don't leave me here to pace and pray

All these nights I lose you
As I turn you think that by now I heard
That you're only what you pretend to be
I guess that was just lost on me

And I can't stand the way you look at me
In that dress
Oh, happy I will be alright I guess
If I wasn't such a mess

I'm such a mess

Five, six, seven, eight!

All the time, awake
You're still on my mind
But we were on our own
Almost all the time

And she'll step away
For a second or two
And I close my eyes
And I think of you

We were only seventeen
We were holding in our screams
Like we'd torn it from the pages
Of some lipstick magazine
And you scratch and turn
And say, "let's burn ourselves up 'til we scream"
Like gasoline

Those tender days
At your mother's house
And your father would find
My hand inside your blouse

But they tell me that
You're married now
Oh my dear, I fear
I can't understand how

We were only seventeen
We were holding back our screams
Like we'd torn our lives from the pages
Of some girly magazines
And you scratch and turn
And say, "let's burn these sheets down to the seams"
Like gasoline

I was only twenty one
I wasn't having any fun
And the words you said
Tore through my head
Like bullets from a gun
And I shoulda just shown up and said,
"Get in this car, let's run"

And these years have seen
So many imitations turning green
Each like the last, they go right past,
Like credits on a screen
But your memory blazes through me
Burning everything
Like gasoline
Like gasoline
Like gasoline

And speaking of
Little Miss Catherine
I feel swell, oh well
Because losing you
Was something I always...

Did so well
I guess I just can't tell anymore
And the feeling I get when I see your clothes
Spread out on my floor
Oh, I'm such a bore, I'm such a bore
I don't do anything anymore
I just count these ceiling tiles falling through my floor

Sorry, I really lost my head
I'm sorry, I really lost my head
But you know those words that you said
They get stuck here in my head
And this feeling I dread, it makes me wish I was dead
Or just alone instead, I'll be alone instead
I don't need anyone in my bed
Just these ceiling tiles falling through my head

Sorry, I really lost my head
Oh, I'm so sorry, I really lost my head
Oh, those words you said

And the funny thing is it has no end
I try to call you up, at 2am
In a crowded bar, your ringer tones
Grab my mind

I can see you through the (vone?),
The (vone?), the (vone?)
And I'm wide awake at home
At home, at home
So think I'll seem like a cat
And hope you don't catch
The bourbon on my breath
My breath, my breath

Catch a cab outside on Seventh Street
And the cars fly through the (ballory?)
I come to your door and I hear a moan
And another voice say, "Christ, she's not alone"
Alone, alone
And my heart sinks like a stone
A stone, a stone
And the tears won't even come
I feel so numb
So swept aside, so dumb
So dumb, so dumb

When the words are wrong
And my patience gone
Will you tell me
Does this mean you're moving on?

From the balcony, you call my name
I see you standing in the rain
Your words so dry, your face so wet
Said I broke your heart,
But it hasn't happened yet
I'll bet, your friends all hate me now
I get the strangest looks,
From that bitchy crowd
And though, they must think
They have every reason to
I guess I'm still not quite yet over you

When the words are wrong
And you're hanging on
Another guy's arm
Does this mean you're moving on?

We all sit on the curb
And we stare at the rain in our boots
The car, the clouds, the sky
While Ishmael wraps himself in the sheet again
He'll clench the fists and close his eyes
I don't know how many times
I can loan him my cigarettes
When I don't even know if he's alive
Do prophets lie?
It makes me feel less horrified

And my closet's filled with
All these endless accoutrements
These shoes, these scars
These shirts, these ties
And these things I say to make myself feel good again
I'll speak, I'll write, I'll laugh, I'll lie
I can't bear to sit here and drink myself sick again
Another night
When everything I know was just a lie
And I don't even know where I'll sleep tonight

I got nothing to do but stare at these walls
And take some time to screw my head on right
We all ended up alone, wasted here at Silver Lake
We'll work, we'll feed, we'll change, we'll try
I can't make any sense of this or you or anything
I'm wide awake, and all our parents lied
It's not alright, and all our words collide
Awake all night

And it starts...
sometime around midnight
or at least that's when
you lose yourself
for a minute or two

As you stand...
under the barlights
and the band plays some song
about forgetting yourself for a while
and the piano's this melancholy soundcheck
to her smile
And that white dress she's wearing
you haven't seen her
for a while

But you know...
that she's watching
She's laughing, she's turning
she's holding her tonic like a crux
The room suddenly spinning
she walks up and asks how you are
so you can smell her perfume
you can see her lying naked in your arms

And so there's a change...
in your emotions
and all of these memories come rushing
like feral waves to your mind
of the curl of your bodies
like two perfect circles entwined
and you feel hopeless, and homelss
and lost in the haze
of the wine

And she leaves...
with someone you don't know
but she makes sure you saw her
she looks right at you and bolts
As she walks out the door
your blood boiling
your stomach in ropes
and when your friends say what is it
you look like you've seen a ghost

And you walk...
under the streetlights
and you're too drunk to notice
that everyone is staring at you
and you so care what you look like
the world is falling
around you

You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her
You just have to see her

and you know that she'll break you
in two

What's passed these hands?
All these drugs and one night stands
So I tremble when I think of she'd do
She'd say something like:
"You're no good,
You're like the junkies in this neighbourhood"
We all need a fix, I guess I need one too
But I'm trying madly to calm these nerves
With something new

I got this heavy debt, I've got nothing left
But this daunting weight slung round my neck
You got the callous mouth, all your endless doubts
We spent this fifteen weeks, trying to work it out
Do think we're getting to something new?

Oh God, not another fight
I'm always trying to get the details right
I remember when you told me you felt saved
When you promised you'd lay flowers on my grave
Just like they used to do
Is it something new?

And now here I stand
With these blood soaked hands
On this sleepless night, that never ends
And these songs I sing
With these hopes that I cling to
Desperately wondering
Are we finally getting to something new?

Is it something new?
Are we finally to something new?

Missy got off the bus one day
In a crowd of people, downtown LA
She looked around as if to say, 'I'm home'
But I'm home

I find someone to love
And some place to drink
And some time when I can just sit and think
And I don't mind if I catch the stink of these drones
Lord, of these drones
Just as long as I'm never alone

She had eyes as big as porcelain plates
And skin as thin as paper drapes
And she loved the Lord the way an apostate loves songs
And she'd sing to him before she went to sleep:
"I pray to you, my soul to keep
You're shepherd, then I'll be your sheep
Until dawn, oh until dawn
Well I'd follow you, even if it was wrong"

I met her one night at the coffee shop
Her face so bright, my heart just stopped
Hello my dear, I fear I'm not what I seem
Not what I seem
I should've become a better man
I should be more deserving than
The beggar, thief and courtesan I've been
Oh, that I've been
But I swear, I lie, I curse all of my dreams

But I swear there's still some good in me
And I think if you stuck around you'd see
All the honest attempts at integrity, I was had
Maybe if you helped me, I'd get it right
I lie awake every night, staring at the ceiling
Wondering why I feel so bad, why I feel so bad
But I swear, I swear, I swear I'll never get sad

I lost my innocence today
I could feel her in my bones
My bones, my bones, my bones
My blood, my blood, my blood, my blood

And I woke up, tired, scared and sad
Soaked, drained, I felt so bad
Today, today, today
What you still, you still, you still, you still
Won't you say, you say, you say, you say
What you feel, you feel, you feel, you feel
Which is nothing but hollow feelings, yeah
I can, done, I just don't care

And forget happiness, I'm fine
I'll forget everything in time
I swear I didn't know,
You know me, how I can't let go
And we're not guts, we're just hacks
All that life (?) the cracks
The scars, the scene that breaks
The ugly teens, the worst mistakes
And everywhere I see her face
Such a beautiful child, such an awful waste
And there's no innocence like hers
Just emptiness and nerves

And this light from the window of my car
She'll never see it, oh my God
I was so surprised, it blew up in my face
Lord, I lost my nerve, oh my God
Oh my God, oh my... God

And I tear, I tear, so hard
And I tear, I tear, so hard
And I beg and scream, "I was wrong"
It's over, she's gone

Well I made some mistakes and at least privately it takes
And here's another one
And I said "it would be okay"
But that's a lie, man
I mean,
"Hey, we're all dying.. young"
Now it's all reality.. but it's more like a terrifying dream
And I'm serious
It's either whiskey, or a bong, or a car crash or a bomb
I'm serious
It's the only thing I think
When I wake up in my bed
With my stomach churns
As these pages turn
Is the world's burnin'
Or is it only in my head??

On a screen on a tv
On a scene in front of me
With all the white woods n the static
And the static n screams
This is war, this is death, this is really very bad
On the winning side, the winning side, the winning side
The winning side

And I'm sick of the train
Over Brooklyn in the rain
All by myself
When it finally occurs to me..
That all these people wanna be just some where.. else
Like every day is just the last bit
To argue with your boss over a coffee break
Well it seems to me, I mean.. want more dignity
Or I'm going to.. break
Because the only thing I think
When he walks out on the street
He says the sky falls
And you're duty calls man
It takes some balls to be
So I'll see

On a screen on a tv
On a scene in front of me
With all the white woods n the static
And the static n screams
This is war, this in death. this is really very bad
On the winning side, the winning side,
The winning side, the winning side
The right side, the right side
Oh the shit you watch
While your parents cry
And it all falls away so quietly
When you wake up to reality..

A Reality??
What's reality?? What's reality?? What's reality??
You Don't Fucking Break!!

Well I got a brother in Iraq
I got no way to get him back
Like all those people in the sands,
Buried in Afghanastan
I got a child in a crib
I got a father in a bed
I got no pills
I got no skittles
I know I do what I did
I just wondered every second
As they wheel those bastards by
Are we living??
Are we dreaming??
Are we winning??
Or were we dying
In a cloud of dust
In a mushroom burst
In a series of deaths
As the agents burst??

All alone in a hospital bed
Wondering what we might of done instead..
With a lifetime..
A lifetime, a lifetime, a lifetime
A lifetime, a lifetime, a lifetime
A lifetime, a lifetime, a lifetime
With a good fucking attitude,
Yeah we did our job
But can you tell me exactly what was our job?
Well I'm still stuck..
With this body of mine
Well were you inside
When a militant died??
I hope you choke!!
I.. Own.. Your.. Life!!

Standing at your doorway
My stomach all tangled n tight
Have it your way
Oh God, where are you tonight??
'Cuz I don't know what I'm doing here
Or where to begin
So take a deep breath
But darling, don't let me in

A Thousand times we've said
"I'm sorry it's over again"
I can't live like this
Or feel like this in my own skin
It all seems so degrading
And like mourning such sin
And faith, just like a child
Oh darling, don't let me in

And we laughed just like children
In waiting, in sheets on your bed
Why we secretly pray
Like we're mourning the dead
And you tell me you're so weary
I know
'Cuz I'm weary too
But hold back a tear
But darling, what a way to do

(instrumental to outro)

And the wine, and the rain
And the feel of your skin..Against mine
I'm swimming, I'm flying, I'm dying
This face, this fear
Stay with me, oh stay with me my dear
This hand
This glow
It's only thing that I love

There's losing
There's losing
There's losing
There's losing
There's losing
There's losing love

It's so quiet on these windswept days
The city lights look golden rays
The sunlight on a subway track
So you're mad again
If you like, I'll take it back

They're just your feelings
I wasn't looking at her eyes
Oh, do you mean it?

It's so lonesome in this happenstance
If you asked me, yes, I'd like to dance
Just show me your blood-covered hand
A perfumed dress is more than I can stand

And you approach me
With your hollow heart in hand
And you tell me:

It's not civilised
It's not fair to me
The blues, the greys
The olive greens
I'll take you far away from me
The girls in their summer dress, see?
Though you don't notice
They all look back at me
Is this on purpose?

Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

May I offer you this one olive branch?
It's not as though you're always so keyed
And we're both just the victims of circumstance
Do you understand, do you know what I mean?

Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!
Oh, no, no, no!

(No, no, no)

I'm a husband first, I'm a childless curse
I'm a faithful man, with a faceless thirst
I'll stay with you, but please don't side
Tried to explain, but you cry and cry and cry

And you hate me when I ask the reason why
You'll trade me a dollar for some sense
But don't blame me, I was only making sense
Oh, I'm so sorry, I was only making sense