Taintstick
"Sir Eagle Cock III"

Join me now as you a tale, the greatest you've ever heard
of the bravest of men, the slayer of gunts
Sir eagle cock the third

He comes from a place its a magical world
When things are just not quite real
where a man with no legs runs a charity race
and could still finger jessica biel

A man with no penis who comes to redeem us
and save us from all we fear
The sea turtles of doom, the vagina ungroomed
and the gerbils of Richard Gere

he's a man you can count on, he'll climb any mountain
and always he's up for fun
if your chick has a friend
he will always pretend that the bitch isnt ugly or dumb

There once was a time without reason or rhyme
when the one legged sea gunt awoke
it was death or romance and so off came his pants
and he gave her a chairty poke

So gather round children, be silent and listen
to stories you've never heard
of neckless raccoons and bush pigs of dick boom
A hero who half man, half bird

If you think that you've seen it, you'll only have dreamed it
cause eagles have no dick or balls
a cock in name only
he has no baloney
our hero has no cock at all