Ludo Album

Another stupid Saturday, the conversation starts to slur
And some sasquatch wookie-boner spilled his Mad Dog down my shirt
There's a party-thumpin', booty-humpin' music-wagon in my head
My friends passed out or disappeared all leaving me Banana Red
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
I feel like Elliot when E.T. drank the beer

Knock me down, her hair is brown, her eyes are big and blue
A thunderbolt that turned this Mad Dog to a puppy at a petting zoo
I'm in love with the girl in the other room
Ten feet away, but I hit the moon
With glitter in the air, it's so easy to see
That she's gotta marry someone and it might be me

The world's on pause, all Newton's laws suspended on account of her
She's like legato glowing purple while staccato's beating in my shirt
What should I do, what should I say, okay I can't say that, but oh my God
I've been struck down from outer space and thuderbolted to the spot
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
Is she really coming toward me for a beer?

Knock me down, her hair is brown, her eyes are big and blue
A thunderbolt that turned this Mad Dog to a puppy at a petting zoo
I'm in love with the girl in the other room
Ten feet away, but I hit the moon
With glitter in the air, it's so easy to see
That she's gotta marry someone and it might be me

There goes the girl in the other room
Ten feet away, but I hit the moon
With glitter in the air, it's so easy to see
That she's gotta marry someone and it might be me

Oh Roxy, don't you love me?
Is it because I'm American?
Maybe it's because I don't grope you and your friends
Like the fool behind you now dancing halfway down your pants

Somewhere near the border of Spain and France
A bottle of bad red wine in my head
Sixty francs to look like a fool and dance
Mechanics understand not what I said
Thinkin' bout the time that I had, how sad
Her one-word shirt describes my plight in red
And her name is a reoccurring theme

Start a move that everyone knows, the awkward pose
And in the meantime, her eyes finding me
Reluctantly I start the approach, her eyes, they glow
But it's not glee, it's fear - that's why she flees
Sing of girls I wish that I knew
Her eyes rung true, her one-word shirt now stabbing sparkling blue
And her name is a barely flickering flame

Oh Roxy, don't you love me?
Is it because I'm American?
Maybe it's because I don't grope you and your friends
Like the fool behind you now dancing halfway down your pants

Roxy's spinnin' around, or is it me that's down?
How many fingers do I see? Is it three by now?
Stands on top of the stairs and screams for who? Who cares?
All that matters now is my eyes like Apollo's, become clear

Somewhere near the border of pain and romance
Her name is undetermined as of yet
Potential for a Roxy again has always been
The hardest part to get out of my head
Comes full circle all in the end, I hope
Could one-word shirts in songs be just a joke?
And her name is a never-ever-ending game

Oh Roxy, don't you love me?
Is it because I'm American?
Maybe it's because I don't grope you and your friends
Like the fool behind you now dancing halfway down your pants

Oh Roxy, don't you love me?
Why do I gotta be American?
Maybe it's because I don't grope you and your friends
Like the fool behind you now dancing halfway down your pants

You'll never hear this song
You'll never see the movie in my head
But you infest my sleep, and your figure creeps
Through my walls and hums above my bed
I know your name, and that you're photogenic and tall
But I've never heard you talk
And there's something about you
That stabs me right through

It isn't right for me to paint your picture
Every night, but I do (I can't find sleep)
And it feels so wrong (I breathe too deep), to sing this song (into the sky)
But maybe (as I walk and sing), somehow, you'll hear me (you'll hear a song)
And hum along
You'll hum along, you'll hum along, you'll hum along

And I've only seen you once, at your graduation
No cinematic glow or soft rock soundtrack
And I watched you move and breathe and cry
And it felt so wrong

It isn't right for me to paint your picture
Every night, but I do (I can't find sleep)
And it feels so wrong (I breathe too deep), to sing this song (into the sky)
But maybe (as I walk and sing), somehow, you'll hear me (you'll hear a song)
And hum along
You'll hum along, you'll hum along, you'll hum along

Maybe you'd be kidnapped by pirates
And they would take you to their hideout
As pirates often do
But I'd find the secret map
And I would vigilante-bushwhack
Through the jungles of Peru

Just to save you and I'd take you north to Mexico
Where you would tell me your life story on the steps of a Mayan temple
Where we'd camp singing nonsense songs in 12 bars to the jaguars, until you'd sense me
Your eyes convincing, and I would kiss you like a hero in the half-light
Dryer sheets and peach shampoo, the smell of palm leaves, I'd sleep against you
Until the natives found us, but they would crown us king and queen
And we could stay there, spend our days there, eating guava by the sea
And I could understand your views and you could fall in love with me

And while the silly human race talks to droids in outer-space
We grow old and laugh about this song
And between the jungle and the stars, you sing nonsense songs in 12 bars to me
And in my sleep I hum along

You'll never hear this song
You'll never see the movie in my head

I'm watching Kevin Arnold's Wonder Years
Tearfully nostalgic for them days back in '69
When the world was all just me and Paul playing football in the street
And Winnie Cooper was my love
I'm watchin' Jerry Springer make me sick
As America is throwing chairs again and I'm sittin' in mine
It was you and me watching crappy T.V., apathetic together and glued to the screen
Just wasting each other's time, alone with you

I feel my world is starving
There's a metric-ton of Easy Mac in my soul
You, you know it's not the Matrix
That's a movie and this is life we're wasting here
Do you remember the day I asked you to be mine
Fifteen years old, oh God I ached for you
And I remember the way the sun looked on your hair
All that honey-colored air, oh, oh Kate

Let's not be weird
Not be weird

I watching Kevin Arnold's Wonder Years
Squandering my wonder years away as the credits roll by
This isn't my life, that wasn't my day, nor was Daniel Stern dictating what I should say
I'd been waiting for my line, God I feel so far away

I feel my world is starving
There's a metric-ton of Easy Mac in my soul
You, you know it's not the Matrix
That's a movie and this is life we're wasting here
Do you remember the day I asked you to be mine
Fifteen years old, oh God I ached for you
And I remember the way the sun looked on your hair
All that honey-colored air, oh, oh Kate

I swear it's not too late to jump out of planes
Go soaring against the sky, I don't know why
It's cool to be anti-everything, but everything has left us here
Where everyday is so unclean, a Jell-o mold of mud and beer
I wanna take you way back where the sun is honey in the air
Let's hurry up and leave today before we both just slip away
It'll be okay

I was aching, breaking down
The bluest guy the blues had found
You came, you gave me Butter Pecan
You let me ramble on and on

When we walked down the street
My heart you would steal
With Ewoks on T.V.
I knew it was real
Clumsy royalty and speech pathology
You found me all alone I found myself a Blarney Stone
And Sara, you take my blues away
Every night I cuddle up with you
And Sara, you take my blues away

I love you forever and ever and ever I do

I love it when you're dreaming deep
Curled up in a ball asleep
Warm and good and made of love
You're just what I've been dreaming of

When we walked down the street
My heart you would steal
With Ewoks on T.V.
I knew it was real
Clumsy royalty and speech pathology
You found me all alone I found myself a Blarney Stone
And Sara, you take my blues away
Every night I cuddle up with you
And Sara, you take my blues away

I love you forever and ever I do
Oh, and Sara, you take my blues away
Every night I cuddle up with you
And Sara, you take my blues away
I love you forever and ever and ever I do

Finally summer's come
Finally summer's come
I sit here all alone and wait
I feel like it's been days
I watch time slip away
And wonder how much longer I can take this

Same cycle starts again
I think of summer's when
We played outside till ten, but now
My youth comes to a halt
The girls and fun are gone
And now I'm just a lump of sick impatience

But I won't give up
I'll settle this score
And drink till there's nothing left of me
Of my friends, of this band
Of this weary, dreary, piss-poor consolation

I won't give up (I won't give up)
I'll settle this score (want nothing more)
And drink till there's nothing left of me
Of my friends, of this band
Of this weary, dreary, piss-poor consolation

Hello, my name is your T.V.
We've been together so long
So many memories
We solved so many problems
Situated comedies
I fed you ads and movie stars
And you always fell asleep
In my color bars, but there's this

World outside where the lighting's off
Scenes last too long and you lose the plot
All the girls, they lie and they break your heart
And nothing's done when the streets go dark
Here, see California, where pretty people dream

And the good guy gets the girl by the sunny sea

And when they'd yell upstairs, you'd cry
Little boy inside their lies
In the dark I'd watch your eyes
And I know the way they laugh
The jackals feast behind your back
Here you hide, but still they stab
In the dark I feel you die in that

World outside where the lighting's off
Scenes last too long and you lose the plot
All the girls, they lie and they break your heart
And nothing's done when the streets go dark
Here, see California, where pretty people dream

Now see that icy vacant lot where they made your nose bleed
The flannel spread, the heater on
The world is dead, the sun is gone, here take my hand, I'll take you home
You'll never have to be alone
The picture's warping slowly, the scrolling seems unending
The snowy edges blurring, the bars between us bending
Feel you start to breathe, you are alive inside of me
Forever tan and strong and loved, you'll never bleed again
In dreamy California scenes where bad guys meet their destiny
And the good guy gets the girl by the sunny sea

Why should I watch Matt Damon cry without her at my side?
I pined as days went by, but now it's fine
Cause in the end, we're such close friends, sugar-n-spice, and since then
There's more time for me, I've started a diary and washed my car again

And I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself (it's cool, it's fine)
I can shop for clothes without her help (it's cool, it's fine)
I can hang out with my friends, do the good times ever end?
Yeah I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself

It's okay that you haven't called me in a week or two
I'm sure it's hard for you, it's been hard for me too
But as long as wood still floats, I can sow my wild oats and paint the town red
The party's far from dead, I'm happy in my empty bed

And I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself (it's cool, it's fine)
I can shop for clothes without her help (it's cool, it's fine)
I can hang out with my friends, do the good times ever end?
Yeah I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself

Girl, I remember when we was sittin' on your couch
Watchin' Good Will Hunting, holdin' hands and drinkin' milkshakes
But milkshakes melt, people change, and you dumped me on my birthday
Right after I bought you that really expensive thing from the Body Shop
Called Jojoba Loofah Milktowel or something like that
That I sold 147 Cutco knives to afford, but whatever, hey, it's cool
I've moved on you know, I'm happy now, well, happy in a crying sorta way
You know, curled up naked in the shower biting your knees wishing you were dead kinda happy
But I realized you were right, we were never meant to be
And you know what? Thank God
Cause you're the most vapid, whiny blah I've ever met
Always making fun of my clothes, telling me how hot other guys are, asking me to pay you gas money?!
Buy your own gas you bug-eyed mooch, it's your car and it costs more than my house
Oh and now you're going around trying to sleep with my friends
Hey good, that really makes you an empowered individual, no wait, did I say empowered individual? I meant two-cent gutter slut
Listen you tanning-bed-baked, broke-ass, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem
I am proud to shop at Target, I'll wear warm-up pants any day of the week
Yes, your ass did look fat in those jeans, your mom's a M.I.L.F.
And I plan to get on your little sister just as soon as I give her a call back, oh and you know what else?

You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself (you bitch, please die)
You can waste your life without my help (you bitch, please die)
You can hang out with your friends, that is if you had any friends
You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself till your eyes fall out
You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself, I hope your eyes fall out
Why don't you go watch it by yourself? Go to hell!

Laundry Girl, your eyes like apple trees, your voice like sprayed Febreeze
You had the cleanest dirty laundry that a Laundromat had ever seen

Laundry Girl, you said that I should read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Oh my love, please tell me were you real or just a dream?

It was 4:03 in a world asleep except for me
Alone in the Laundromat, the air too hot to breathe
The Tide was getting low, my pockets were drained
My socks were soaked, my colors all stained
Cycles agitating on, God damn, I needed some change
You walked right through the door

Laundry Girl, your eyes like apple trees, your voice like sprayed Febreeze
You had the cleanest dirty laundry that a Laundromat had ever seen

Oh, Laundry Girl, I'm stuck between this crumpled five and a coin machine
Your quarters breathe like minutes to my soul

You loaned me coins to dry my socks, I walked you home at6:00
Your flip-flops flip-flopped, we made fun of Charlie Sheen
You said the Kids in the Hall was the best show of them all
I told you how wrong you were
You whirled around to make your case, to put me right back in my place
You held your laundry in your arms, it said I-mean-it on your face
And in my last clean shirt, I was completely off-guard
When Laundry Girl, you kissed me hard

Beneath that stormy morning sky, those corny joggers jogging by
We stood like statues in the street, the traffic backing up for miles
Your heart was permanent pressed to mine, the streets were clean, the socks were dry
I held you like I'd lost and found you, hitching hikers had their guide
Our lips were heavens opened up, you fit like coffee to my cup
Through galaxies of apple trees, you were my first clean love
And in my last clean shirt, I turned around and you were gone
Oh I never got to say goodbye, oh oh

Laundry Girl, darlin' don't ya see that I found my place in the galaxy
Oh my love, please tell me were you real or just a dream?
Will somebody please tell me was she real or just a dream?
Laundry Girl, I love you from my socks to my pocket-T
Just a dream to me, Laundry Girl

I am a savage besmitten with her
The loneliest werewolf, I wander the earth
My words are mistakes and my thoughts are unclean
This cider inside me, it slides like a dream
The moon of her window, it glows evermore
The night wrapped around us, two spoons in a drawer
I miss her dark blankets, I miss her clean sheets
All her Julietting, coquettish and sweet

Make me hold you
But then I'm just a ghost
Air-conditioned love
Is always cold

I enter her room and it smells like before
Like rain and vanilla, she closes the door
The movement, the blurring, the echoing ache
Of slow disappearing and smearing away
But now I'm a thief, I'm a transient freak
A discarded object, I'm hated and weak
She's hollowed my chest and I've haunted her street
That ravenous princess, she's ravaged through me

Make me hold you
But then I'm just a ghost
Air-conditioned love
Is always cold

They page Party Guy, he pages them back with the number where's at, they let the phone ring
Till Party Guy picks it up and says, "Behind Burger King"
Should they make another run? Their fake says they're 21, they're not sure they got enough, should they go buy more stuff?
He says, "Forget about the stuff, they've got more than enough, they thought of everything" he says

They've got more beer than he's ever seen
And they've got girls on trampolines
They tapped ten kegs since 9:15
And they've got girls on trampolines

Quoth the Party Guy, he doesn't ever lie, it sounds like their scene, but they don't have a ride
So they call Ride Guy who comes by and with a sigh he lets them in his ride (Okay!)
And Drunk Guy tells Ride Guy to shut up and just drive when he asks about the stuff and about the thing
But Nice Guy kicks Drunk Guy and tells Ride Guy that Party Guy said it's party-time behind Burger King, he says,

They've got more beer than he's ever seen
And they've got girls on trampolines
They tapped ten kegs since 9:15
And they've got girls on trampolines

But Nice Guy's talk of trampolines makes Drunk Guy turn green and he pukes on Jon Fee and Ride Guy's ride hits a tree
Which causes Weed Guy to drop his seeds at the feet of Officer One, Officer Two and Officer Three
And Officer One says, "Looky here, son, I hate speeding MIP's who have seeds and hit trees"
One and two wanted to beat 'em and kill 'em and eat 'em, but they deferred to Officer Three who said

I hear there's a shindig behind Burger King
And I hear there's girls on trampolines
The tree looks fine and the driver's clean
Just give them girls on trampolines
God bless the wisdom of Officer Three
Just give them girls on trampolines!

She's got Ansel Adams postcards on her wall
They validate her artsiness (she got 'em at the mall)
Soulmate's not around, some guy she did on Outward Bound
The tragic inconvenience of it all.
Drama over coffee, girlfriend's having issues
Dispensing pop-psychology, advice like it was tissues
She's a cookie-cutter, carbon-copy, Cosmo-clone for life
Someday she's gonna be somebody's wife.

CHORUS
What a ripe prototype
Educated, but dims her light
Beauty tips, birthing hips
Guaranteed function right.

She's got Investment Banker Joe to win the bread
While tea-times lipo-suck and country-club her in the head
She's a Betty Crocker, soccer-mommy, Oscar nominee
For casseroles and faking it in bed.
She's got Prada and Prozac and fun when Joey's gone
Lemonade in lingerie for the men who mow the lawn
For years and years, her seven-figure life is slowly spent
Someday she'll stop and wonder where it went

REPEAT CHORUS

She wants a caveman with spear and dental plan
Who could give her treats and hold her hand
Elektra's complex, you gotta understand
She's stranded candyless in Candyland
She wants a lollipop

SOLO

REPEAT CHORUS

Go! Go! Go! Go!...